


The day after the meeting at Byers

by Tigi



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-21 10:37:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21298076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigi/pseuds/Tigi
Summary: The day after byers.Just a story of what could have happened, if.......If Billy had acted diffrent.If there was a littel diffrent background.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Billy Hargrove/Original Character(s)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

,,Where is she?"

No where were you son, are you OK? Just where is she?  
Like he didn't mattered. Maybe he didn't, at least according to his father he didn't mattered.  
His father often wished that he didn't existed, right know he himself wished that too.  
It would be so much easier not to exist, then doing this.

,,I don't know, Sir."he whispered, without looking up. He just couldn't look up, couldn't bear to look into these cold eyes. That just told him how much his father despised him. These eyes that only ever looked concered when it was about Max. 

There was no way he could look his father in his eyes.  
Not only that his father would interpret it like a challenge from him.  
No, he couldn't stand what he would see.  
If they weren't cold, it would be even worse. The anger, the hate and the worst of all.  
Sometimes he could see happiness flicker into his fathers eyes.

After all his father seemed to ge happy to find a reason to beat him up.  
How fucked up was that?  
Sometimes he wanted to yell and say, your my father, you are supposed to love me!

Why can't you do this?  
Are you as you broken as I am going to be?

,,You don't know."the words came slowly and thoughtful. As if his father was considering what it meant.

But he didn't let his hopes get up, after all he knew the outcome.

It was always the same way.

,,I don't know. I'm sorry Sir."he hated saying this.

It was just false. He wasn't sorry, because it wasn't his fault. And he hated when he had to pretend he respected his father.  
No way, he would ever respect that piece of shit.  
And Max?  
Hell, she was old enough to take care of herself.

At her age he even had to cook for himself.   
No one had ever looked out for him, so why did she deserved something better?

,,So you don't know. You spend a night away from home, drinking with your friends, when you should have been looking for your sister."

His blood turned instantly cold. How the hell came his father to this conclusion?  
On many other nights his father accusation would be right.  
Then he understood.  
Max, the fuckung brat drugged him and now he looked drunk.

His eyes were probably bloodshot and his hair most be a mess.

,,I'm not drunk, Sir. I swear."

But know he recognised it himself. His speech was slurred and awfully slow.

God, he was so fucked.

,,You swear."

Then happens something deeply unsettling.  
His father smiled.

,,We will discuss this properly, won't we?"

He swallod hard, discussing was a nice word to describe it.  
God, he hated this smile, it always crept him out. The doorbell saved him, at least now.

The shrill sound echoed through the house.

,,We will talk later."promised his father.

The his father turned around and walked away.  
Slowly he exhaled and took a deep breath.

He could hear his father talking too the chief and then he could here his sisters voice.  
Max was home and his father acted all gratefully and happily about it.  
As if he liked Max, well maybe he did.  
After all Max was the good sibling, she wasn't the gay son who messed everything up.

No, that wasn't true, there was a much more simpler reason.  
She just wasn't Billy.  
She wasn't a reminder of Neil's former wife.

Soon after the chief came he left.  
And then happened nothing.  
But Billy wasn't dump or at least not completely.  
He knew that that didn't meant there wouldn't be a punishment it just meant the punishment would came later.  
And when it did it would be worse.  
Because then it would be a calculated act of the hatred, anger and disappointment of his father.

Also his father liked to enjoy the fear.  
Every move of his father was a threat and a promise.  
But at least he knew to use his time.

Not to far away was a illegal cage fighting club.  
It was both a opportunity to make money and too learn fighting himself.

Maybe one day he would fight back and win....

...............

In the school everyone stared at him.

,,Have you heard what he did too Steve?"whispered one girl when he passed her

,,Yeah he's a mess."answered her friend.

And that was the Monday after the fight.

In this littel shit town, the fight from him and Steve would probably still be discussed years from now.

He would be so done, if his father found out.  
Some nights he just lay awake ready for it to happen.  
He stared at the ceiling motionless and waiting.

It was actually a surprise when it happened.  
He had just driven Max to the arcade.  
At least this time he had actually done what his father wanted from him. His father wasn't supposed to be home.  
But then his father did may things he wasn't supposed to do. That was his only silly thought at that time.

The hit took him by surprise and left him dazzled and stunning.

Somehow Billy was almost grateful that it would be over soon.  
Then at least he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.   
Because then it would be over.

,,Did you really thougt I would let you get away with it?"

,,I'm sorry Sir."was all he managed.

All he ever said, because his father didn't wanted a long excuse, just an apology.  
No excuses, because no excuse was ever good enough.

Then began the real pleasure.

His father stared with throwing him around and few good blows, to wake him up. Then the real fun started. He went down.

At some point he always did.  
Sometimes his father stopped then.

,,Stand up and be a man." As usual he tried and failed. Not because of a lack of trying but because of the kick in his face. Then came the really horrifying sound. With a clack his father unbuckeld his belt and took it of.

Thus wouldn't be one of the times his father would stop.

,,Take your shirt of."

,,Dad, Sir please no." He hated himself for begging, for being so weak. But he couldn't take a beating like this. He was used to the normal routine beating, but this? This would kill him or get as near as Neil ever came too.

,,How do you dare to say no? Take it off." 

Billy swallowed hard and managed trembling to get his shirt off. Before the shirt reached the floor the first hit came.

He cried out unable to hide his surprise and pain. Then the next hit with the belt came and then a kick with Neil's steel boots followed.

The pain seemed to swallow him until there was nothingh left to feel anymore.  
Until there was only pain.

He's going to kill me, was his only thought. 

I'm going to die here, alone and a asshole in everyone's eyes. On a cold floor far away from warm beaches, I going to die. 

He curled himself up and prayed that he would life. I want a future, I want to be better then him, was his only thought. 

You deserve it, wisphered a little voice inside him. He could feel his body breaking under the hits and his back was soaked in blood. 

He closed his eyes and waited for the end. Slowly he lost conscious and everything became dark.

It was blissful darkness, a darkness that numbed him. Still he was afraid, but at the same time he was grateful that he hadn't to deal with pain anymore.

Actually he was surprised when he opened his eyes and was still alive. His body ached in a dozen ways but he was alive, he hadn't thought that would be possible. Slowly he pulled himself up. 

Now he could feel it for sure, his ribs were broken and he had a dislocated shoulder but nothing too serious. Astonished he looked at the blood puddle. Who would think that a back could bleed this much?

Of course he took care of himself and then he cleand the floor. With gritted teeth he whipped the floor clean. Neil had planned well, it seemed. 

It was Friday and not only he had time to recover for school, but his father also had destroyed his weekend plans properly. 

Killing two flies with one strike.

.................

The next the day started with a monstrous headache and pain in his abdomen. It took him ten seconds to reach the bathroom and five minutes to throw up. With relief he checked and found that there was no blood he had thrown up.

,,You should drink less. Then we all could start our morning normal. Would be better for you too."advertised him Max. The anger came instantly and flash trough him, hot and boiling up. But he just closed his eyes and breathed slowly in and out. I'm not my father, I'm not my father. 

He clinged to this mantra, until the anger faded away. He could here her steps fade away. Hopefully she was the only one awake or his father would give him shit about waking him up. And Billy couldn't take another beating.

Carefully he listend and was relieved when he didn't heared anything.  
Slowly he got up and dressed himself.  
Groaning in pain he buttoned his shirt up.  
Of course his father didn't leave a bruises on his face but his abdomen was black and blue.  
His complete torso looked like an abstract painting. An ugly abstract painting.

Carefully he limped his way to the dining room.

,,Wow you look awfull. I think karma has it way."

There was no pity in her words and he was glad for it.  
But it would have been useful, on the other side.  
The next part would be painful, not physically but mentally.

,,Please just don't tell Neil,Ok?"

She stared at him in complete disbelief.

,,Was this just a please that came out of your mouth."

,,Yes don't cream your pants."shit he tried to be nice, but his sister made it nearly impossible.

But then nothingh is really impossible, not if you are desperate enough.

,,Just don't tell him I throwed up or he will kill me, he is still pissed about the night you went missing." Enough to make her feel a littel guilty, but not enligh to make her pity him.

,,I didn't went missing you went massaker."

Really?, thought Billy. Maybe I went massager, but you went missing too, or why else would the chief feel the need to bring you back?

,,Whatever. Do we have a deal?"

,,Yeah whatever."

She didn't needed to know how important it was for him.

No one needed to know.

...........

The whole day was shit.  
His father yelled at him before dinner, because he didn't did his house chores.  
Yeah sure.  
Like it wasn't enough that he put the trash out and cleaned the house most times.  
But he was never allowed to cook.  
Not even now, when it was obvious that Susan couldn't cook to save her life.

Another of his father sexistic unreasonable decisions.

At dinner he felt completely uncomfortable under Neil's gaze.  
It gave him the creeps.  
He thought he had paid his depth with the beating yesterday, but it looked like there was a second round waiting for him.

Just great.

,,There is a party at a friends house, can I please go?"  
Stunned he looked at his stepsister.

,,Sure, your brother will drive you, won't he?"His father glared at him and Billy understood.  
He swallowed every of his usual answers.

This was not the moment to argue.

,,Yes. Do you need a ride back in the morning? "

Now it was Max time to look at home in utterly bewilderment.

Since the incident at Heyers they hadn't really talked.  
Sometimes he looked at him like he was scum, but that was pretty much all.  
He could handle nasty looks and everything she had prepared for him.  
But that doesn't meant he couldn't try to be nice too her.

Sometimes he had these strange thoughts.  
As if they somhow took the wrong turn and popped up in his brain, confused not knowing what they did there.

,,Yes . But Steve could give me a ride too."  
In her eyes he could already see the suspicion.

As if he just had announced he would give her a ride and then crash the car.

,, It wouldn't be a problem."

,,But I would come back really late and Steve is already there."  
It was clear now to him that his sister didn't wanted him there.

Not his problem, thought Billy.  
After all she just should be glad he tried to be nice.  
Plus he just needed an excuse to be away from the house.

,,No problem. He will wait for you and make sure that nothing happens."ended Neil the argument.

Billy couldn't trust his ears.  
He didn't knew if he should be delighted or terrified.  
On the one side he was out of the house for hours, but if something happened to Max he was dead.  
And he wasn't sure if he could already drive.

The injuries pained him even now.

But he didn't wanted to argue with father.

That was the reason why he sat there hours later on the Cameron and waited for Max.

He held a book in his Hands and was bored to death.


	2. Chapter 2

,,Is he going to sit there all night?"asked Mike.

,,Yes."confirmed Max.

,,Why? Doesn't he has things to do? Or friends or hobbies?"asked Mike.

,,I don't know and I don't care."

,,But this interruptes our whole plan. How can we do anything when he's there?"complaid Dustin.

,,We should get rid of him."suggested Lucas.

,,But how? We can't just ask."stated Max.

,,Hey weirdos what are you starring at?"interrupted Steve them.

,,We are starring at Billy Hargrove."

,,What is he doing here?"asked Steve

,,nothing."mumbled Dustin.

,,Yet."added Mike.

..

Fuck.Why must Hawkins always be this cold?  
In California had been at least often shone the warm sun on him, after a hitting from his father.  
He had felt the warmth relaxing his muscles and easing the pain.  
Here in Hawkins, he shuddered and hoped, he didn't was going to freeze to death.

Shuddering he closed his book.  
Pathetic.  
He could see his father's disgusted and disappointed face in his mind.  
Sometimes his father seemed to be with him, in his mind even when he wasn't really there.  
It happened more often these days.  
Often he felt haunted from his father.  
Even when he knew his father wouldn't catch him, he needed to convince himself of this fact, before he opened a book.  
No man should like reading books like this.  
His father would drag him through a second round of what Billy already received from his father, if he found out, about him reading.

His heart ached from the fear and startet to beat faster.  
Slowly he pulled himself together, his father wouldn't find out.  
A sneer formed itself on his face.  
Some teenager fear that their parents will embarrass them.  
Billy feard that his father found out that he liked to read books.  
Again he shudderd.  
But this time it wasn't because of the coold.

Slowly he closed his eyes and made himself remember.  
Billy wasn't dumb, he wouldn't stay any longer than he had to in the house his father called home.  
Not long and he would be free.

He laid the book on the car seat and turned around.  
Did the little brats really thought he couldn't feel there stared?

Flinching they all vanished from the window as he winked at them.

He ignored the shame and guilt he instantly felt.  
But it didn't helped much, it never did.  
Every incident like this haunted him.  
Made him feel like he was the same kind of guy like Neil.

Some times he looked in the mirror and thought, is this how a monster looks?  
Because he believed in monsters,maybe not in monster like the ones in fairy tales.  
But he believed that the Monster which called himself his father, was real.

With aching rips and thundering head he stood out of his car and waited.  
And he was right.  
He could here then argue and the the door swung wide open.  
And then Steve left.  
With die eyes and a still bruised face he walked towards him.

Billy respected that the guy still had the courage to do that.  
After Billy beating him up he still came for him.

,,Nice to see ya."he greeted Steve.

,,I would say the same but I can't. What are you doing here?"  
Steve sounded cold and distant, all business.

,,I wait for Max, till I drive her home.

,,You want to wait all night?"asked Steve.  
He could hear the disbelief in his voice.

Smirking he looked at the other, hiding the shame under amusement. In such things he was nearly a professional. After so many years the lying and hiding came naturally.

Shrugging he nodded, like it wasn't a big deal.

Then the eyes of the other teen fixed a point behind him.

,,Are you reading Shakespeare?"

,,No."  
The answer was weak even in Billy's own ears.  
What a shitty night.

,,Sure. I bet Max reads Shakespeare."

,,I would never read Shakespeare."said Billy with his normal voice again.  
He had gained a little control over himself again and used it to banish every trembling from his voice.

,,You know you can't deny it? It isn't that shameful. I bet it wouldn't ruin your image if the world knew you can read."

It was a close call, but Billy managed to fight the urge to hit the smirk from Steve's face away.

,,Just go and play babysitter for the little brats." Billy didn't yelled but he wasn't quite either.

But to his frustration Steve didn't showed any fear.

,,You know I don't fear you. You are an asshole. But I won't tell anybody that you read a book, if it is so important for you. Just go."

And Steve stepped closer.  
His doe eyes had a determined look and his body language told Billy that Steve wouldn't back down.

,,I can't go."  
It was a simple state of fact. 

His father was still angry with him and Billy couldn't stand a second round.  
And the guys who pretended to be his friends would ask awkward questions about the bruises on his face.  
Plus there was just no way, he would let Max wander of again.  
His rips still ached and he could feel all the bruises on his stomach.

,,Sure you can go. Your car stands right beside you. It's easy" 

If Steve just knew.  
It was never easy.  
Not for him.  
He pretended it was, but it was never.  
There was always the fear what his father would make him pay for every action he did.

,,Yeah sure. I could drive off. But who will guarantee me that Max will still be here when I have to pick her up?"

,,Do what you want Hargrove for all I care you can freeze to death."

Then the former King of Hawkins spun around and headed back to the house.  
To the warmth.  
Suddenly Billy could feel the loss of what he only so shortly experience.  
Inside the house was warmth, laughing and happiness.  
He himself stood outside banished from such things.  
For him there was only coldness and pain.

But no one said life is fair.

...

Slowly he sat again in the car and began reading once again.  
The book was good, at least something he could look forward to.  
But he still felt frozen and cursed his father for that.  
This were the only times he stood up against his father now, when his father couldn't hear him.

He waited until it was time to pick up Max, before he stretched his legs and opened the car door.  
But to his surprise Max already walked towards him.

,,You're early."

,,Seriously Billy. I'm doing you a favour and you still get on my nerves?"  
Her eyes looked at him fiercely and furiously.

,,Jesus. Calm down. Thanks for coming early."  
She looked even more far from calm then before.

Christ somebody should explain teenagers to him, because he didn't understood them and he had the feeling he never would.

,,Whatever drive."

Eyes rolling Billy left the parking space and drove.

They didn't spoke a word until they were at home.  
It wasn't a awkward silence,it was more kind of hateful and annoyed silence.

His father already awaited them.

,,Where were you? You should be home at eight not at nine!"  
His father sounded outraged.

Billy hated this.  
He always did his best to follow every rule or at least he tried like hell to.  
But sometimes like now his father just changed the rules without telling.  
It was always like this his father made the rules and made sure that it was impossible to follow them.  
Often some rules were impossible to follow at the same time.  
Some rules couldn't be followed at all, because Billy had no control about certain events.

He hated that, hated how his father tried to make him somethingh he wasn't eith these stupid rules.

In the end he always broke one or two rules and this meant punishment.  
Often hits and kicks and when it was worse it meant the belt.  
He could feel his back throbbing with pain.  
Still he could feel the blood that drained on the wounds.

,,I'm sorry Sorry. I didn't knew..."

,,You are sorry! How nice of you! Go upstairs Maxine your brother and I will discuss this properly."

Billy could smell the alcohol in his fathers breath.  
It wasn't a good sign it never was.

Billy clenched his hands to fists in fear and didn't deared to look at Max.  
If she looked at him like he deserved it he knew he would agree with her.  
Sometimes he even thought that he must have done something to explain, why this was happening to him. But still he would never be able to bear to see to look into her eyes and see that she was glad. So he didn't.

She slipped away and didn't looked back.  
It wasn't her fault he knew, because she didn't even knew what his father did.  
That was something he and his father could agree on, Max should never knew.  
His father didn't wanted her to know because Max was a fighter.  
She wouldn't just look the other way like her mother.  
She was stronger she would actally do something.

And Billy didn't wanted her to know, because if she was around there wouldn't be so much punishment.  
She was a safe spot for him and he couldn't bear the thougt that his father maybe would hit her some day too.

No way he could ever live, feeling responsible for somebody to have life trough what he had to.

His father looked at him.  
His eyes were unforgiving and angry, like always.  
Billy knew this look he grew up with it after all.

Without hesitation his father pushed him against the wall.

,,Why are you so stupid?"  
It was rhetorically question and Billy didn't answered.  
He didn't wanted to spoil the end, he had no desire to do so.

Long ago he learned that a smart answer or any answer would ger him more hits.  
It had been a long way, but now he kept his mouth shut and it sometimes helped.

Not often trough.

His father slammed him again hard against the wall.

,,I thought I finally got the faggot out of you but it seems like I have to try again."

Suddenly cold fear settled in Billy, the last time his father said it he ended in the hospital and the had to perform major surgery.  
If his father would even suspect that he was really gay, Billy refused to call himself a faggot, he would kill him.  
All his father had were suspicions and no proof.

For now at least.

,,I'm not gay."

He answered calm, even though he hated to lie.  
Often he imagined how it would be to tell his father that he was gay and then leave for California.  
But this was a dangerous dream and Billy made to sure that he didn't dreamed often of it.

Even trough it would be amazing to do that.  
To life finally the life he wanted to life.

,,Because I made sure of it and I will made sure of it again."

,,Max could hear it."

,,She could so please try to scream silently."

It was a careless comment, that let Billy's immediatly feel cold again.  
How angry must his father be, to not care?

And then there was only a confused mess in his memory.  
Pain, agony and anger were emotions he could recall.  
There was also fear and shame for not fighting back at his father.  
And most of all pain and blood.

He could remember that he didn't made a sound to afraid that Max would hear it and see it.  
Pride was what kept him from screaming for help.  
Shame made him quite.  
Fear let him not fight back.  
Agony refused to let him flee.  
Anger made him helpless.

In the end Billy was a mess.  
He didn't even knew when his father was done with him.  
All that surrounded him was pain and blackness.  
Blood formed a small puddle and wasn't sure if there was any skin left at his back.

It took hours before he gained consciousness again.  
When he did he was surprised that nobody stumbled across him, because he was lying sprawled out on the floor.  
Then he realised it must be only early morning.

Hot angry pain set his skin on fire when he tried to move, there was no way he could stand up like this.  
But he couldn't stay here either because Neil could comeback.

Billy considered his options.  
Then he began to crawl.  
Inch by Inch he crawled to the stairs.  
Only pure stubbornness got him up the stairs.  
Every movement let his muscles and skin scream.  
His only relief was that he didn't had to move his back much.

When he finally reached his bed he let out a small realised sigh and laid down.

....

He never was a good sleeper.  
Sleep never came easely and when it came he had dreams he sometimes remembered, even when he wished he did not.

Falling asleep was often difficult and staying asleep too.  
With Neil as a father his body always felt the need to be alert to react to every possible danger.

The sunshine woke him.  
Everything hurt and he felt like throwing up.  
But there wasn't anything in his stomach and he only cought dryly.

,,Billy drive your sister to school."

He hated his father with his whole heart.

All day he couldn't be sit still and quite, he felt the urge to move and act.  
Plus his father made sure that every chair felt like a punishment.  
Hell sitting hurt, standing too, but not so much and that was something.

His teachers complained and wanted him to pay attention.  
Some came again with the shit of, you have good grades you don't have to pull such shit.

They talked about scholarships and he ignored them all.

They could all go to hell, fir all he cared.

One day he would be out of Hawkins that was all that mattered.

Now he waited for Max.

,,Shitbird hurry up!"

,,Cut it out, Billy."she warned him.

,,Just get in the car and then let's go."

,,No, I'm tired of your shit. Just because your father can't stand you that doesn't mean you can let it out on me."  
And damn Max looked ready to argue with him and he knew she had a point.

,,Sit in the car. We will talk on the drive at home."

,,Okay but we will talk."

And she was right the talk was coming up a while now.  
Since the incident at Byers he had waited for this talk.

Slowly he pulled out of the parking slot and the speeded up.

,,Maybe I don't have the right to treat you like shit, but you neither shitbird."

,,What have I ever done to you?"

,,Funny Max, that you ask. You run away, you are late. And he blames me. Me!" Now he was yelling. The anger burned inside him hot and angry and he had a hard time to control it.

Sometimes he felt like there was a monster inside him, just waiting to get unleashed.

Sometimes he felt like there was no monster in him, that it was just him who was a monster.

,,It isn't your problem what I do and what I don't do."

,,Oh no. It is my damn fucking problem shitbird, because I'm responsible. I'm in charge."

,,Damn you Billy. I don't need at babysitter."

,,I know! But Neil makes me responsible for you."

,,Still that doesn't give you the right to treat me like this."

,,It does you told him about James. You damn fucking told him!"

,,What is so wrong with that? You James are friends and?"she asked furious.

,,Max I and James are friends. And James..."suddenly Billy's voice break down to a wispher.

,,Max. James is black."the words came out a horse and faint whisper.

,,There is nothing wrong with that!"

,,I know but Neil doesn't."

Then there was only silence.  
The stepsiblings didn't cared to say anything until they were it home.  
Were they without any words to one a another they got to their rooms.

....

Billy just dropped at his bed.  
Still everything hurt and he could scream out in frustration.  
His father never let bruises at his face unless he could make sure nobody saw them or he had a good excuse.

Dumb Max.  
Did she really thought she and the Sinclair kid could have a happy end?


	3. Chapter 3

,,The kid worries me."

,,Me too. I never meet him but I saw what he did to Steve's face. The kid still doesn't want to press charges and even denies what Billy has done. But I know it was him."

,,I've see him. You know? It wasn't much more than a glimpse but it was enough."

Joyce considered her next words good.

She had see Billy with a few friends drinking. That was nothing uncommon. Most teenager drank alcohol, even when they weren't allowed to.  
God, she had dine it too, back then, when she was young. But it was all she heard from the kids that first cought hear attention.

They always referred to him as the psycho asshole brother from Max. With blonde curled hair, a tanned skin and blue eyes. Murderer eyes they called them.  
Blue like ice and colder than it.

Obviously he was the leader of the littel group, always in the centre of the attention.  
Jumping around never sitting still and always moving like he couldn't sit still, even if he wanted to

,,For what was it enough?"asked Hopper her impatiently.  
Sometimes the Chief was a bit slow when it came to certain things,like thus.

,,He remembers me of Robb."  
She could see how Hopper leaned back and remembered Robb.  
They both had known him and never forgotten him.  
How could they?  
Even know everyone knew the story.  
It was even in the national news.

Robb was like Billy angry, loud, a troublemaker.  
The bad boy in town, but unlike Billy Robb didn't lived anymore.

Robb never said a word and no one ever suspected.  
No one ever suspected what happend behind closed doors. No one had cared about it, even if they could have seen it. But they ignored all the unspoken signs, because Robb had been....Robb. Joyce remember how Robb often didn't sat down and was always on his feet.  
Later they found out it was because his father hit him with his belt until sitting was painfully for Robb.

The hitting started when Robb was four.  
At his eighteenth birthday Robb was killed from his own father.

It was a short and sad life and it left the village stunned.  
But almost everyone forgot it soon again.  
Because Robb had been........Robb.  
Loud, angry, a troublemaker.  
There had been no real friends in Robbs life.  
There had been no one left to mourn.

And somehow Joyce felt that this was what Billy awaited.

,,You think his father hits him?"asked Hopper carefully.

,,I don't know, he just remembers me off Robb. It is like after all the years Robb has come back."

Maybe, Joyce thought then, maybe this is our choice to do the right thingh this time.  
To help Billy, to try and change his life.  
Even trough we are probably to late, she had to admit, remembering, the cold, cold blue eyes.

They both sat in silence then.

...

Fuck his father.  
Fuck Max.  
Fuck them all.

School was hell.  
He regretted that he didn't skipped it.  
The ride back home was hell too.  
The shitbird let him WAIT and then talked about nothing.  
Billy would have liked to punch her in the face,but he didn't, because you don't hit your step sister.

Even when it was a annoying stepsister like Max.  
But fuck he was frustrated and wished there was anything to do.

....

,,I and Susan are going out."declared Neil.

Instantly Billy hoped that the day became interesting.  
He should have known better.

Because Neil looked at him like he could read Billy's mind.

,,Don't worry Willliam, I'll make sure you don't get any queer thoughts."and then he showed him.

His keys.  
His holy car keys.

No one except him was ever allowed to touch them.  
Well except for......Neil.  
And that was only because Billy had no say in that matter.

Neil froze them in a damn fucking ice block.  
Billy felt like his heart had been ripped out his chest and then had been thrown still beating under a car wheel.

,,Remember your responsibility tonight is Max. Don't you dare to disappoint me."

Billy said nothing.  
He felt like his father cut his wings off.

....

Max looked at her older brother suspiciously.  
Right after Neil left with her mother he began blasting his awful music and weighing his weights.  
That wasn't the suprinsg part.  
No the surprising part came when Billy started cooking.

He sometimes cursed when he had to bent or move and sometimes he even winced in pain.  
Somehow he seemed to have hurt his back badly.  
She suspected a stupid fight.  
Even back in California he seemed to get in fights frequently.

Sometimes he even went to some fighting club, she knew because she lied a few times for him and she had only done it because he showed her what he did.  
First she noticed that all were mens and that it stank from sweat.

Then training with some show fights and Max could understand Billy.  
It was fantastic to watch it, she wanted to go back badly and when he was in a particular good mood Billy would take her.

But nothing she had learned about Billy had ever suggested that he cooked.

Plus he seemed happy to do so.  
And it seemed like some fancy food, Tacos if she wasn't mistaken.

Billy didn't seemed to notice her or ignored her.

,,What are you doing?"

,,What does it looks like Shitbird? I'm cooking tacos."

But even the insult sounded more like teasing then like he was really angry.

She silently wondered and watched.  
As soon as he finished cooking and they joked and laughed.

When Neil and Susan came back.

Billy went to his room.  
...

He longed for warmth.  
Still, even after all this time, he remembered how it felt to be loved.  
How can someone live without love?

Billy felt like his heart hurt all the time, he wanted back, travel back in time.  
Just for one more moment to feel happy and secure.  
Only once in his live he had felt really loved and now the feeling was gone.  
Maybe forever, because a person is only given one chance in live to be truly loved from fate, Billy believed sometimes.

One time he hadn't been told he wasn't enough or too much.  
He wasn't asked to change.  
Finally he belonged and found his place.

Sometimes for short moments he felt spark of happiness.  
Not because he forget the memories, but because he embraced them without hurt and just felt whole again.

When he cooked he remembered and now it hurt even worse.  
The physical pain his father gave him was nothing compared to this.

Silently he lay in his bed and waited for the pain to pass, like it often did.  
It was like the tides sometimes the pain seemed unbearable but the pain always became less.  
Then the pain became stronger again, triggered by something.

Long ago he promised himself to never search for this comfort again.  
Because Neil had made sure they would never see each other.

And Billy still felt the consequences, for both of them.

Tonight the pain only grew worse, until he couldn't just do nothing.  
His father was sound asleep.  
Long ago Billy discovered to his surprise, that his father was a deep sleeper, he never waked up.

,,Son of a bitch."muttered Billy before he climped out of his window.

In the coold air he regretted that he didn't changed, but it was to late.

His keys were still unreachable for him, but his car wasn't.

Long ago he learned how to drive a car without keys.  
It was really simply you only had to know a littel about cars and then put one and one together.  
Pretty easy.

As soon as he reached the street he speeded up.  
The destination was clearly in his mind.

Soon he stood at the pay phone and dialed.  
Shuddering he waited for a response.  
Suddenly the meaning and boldness of his plan hit him.  
But it was to late he could her a gruff voice asking who called in the middle of the damn fucking night.

,,It's me. Billy."he added.

His heart beated faster when the response came.

Soon enough Billy was out of change and he had to end the call,but he glowed with content.

His bruises hurt less and even the wounds at the back felt better.  
His life was certainly better.

...

,,Why are you so happy. It's frightening."  
Max looked sharp at her brother.

All morning he cursed because every move seemed to hurt him, somebody beat him up really good thought Max.  
But Billy didn't seemed to mind he almost smile.  
Of course he didn't smiled when Neil was around.

,,I just am okay Max.And I need a favour from you."announced her brother almost shyl.

,,A favor after you beat Steve almost to death."shouted Max angry.  
How could he be such a asshole?  
He certainly deserved to get beaten up, by however it was.  
To her it seemed like karma.

,,I know I lost it okay?"

,,You lost it? That is your excuse?"

,,No there is no excuse but what happened happened.  
So please Max do me the favor okay?"

As angry as she was she knew he passed power to her with this word.  
Billy never said please.  
And she would be dump to not use the power he gave her.

,,Okay but I want a favor too."

,,Okay shitbird, make your call."

,,I want you to convince Neil to let me have a sleepover with my friends."

,,What!? Are you gone crazy? What the hell is wrong with you?"asked Billy angry.

He asking his father for anything, why the hell thought Max that his father would allow her something because he asked?

,,He's your father."stated Max.

,,Yes and he hates me."snapped Billy back.

,,Oh come on. He doesn't, I mean he yells at you often, but he doesn't hates you. He is just overprotective."

Suddenly Billy was reminded that, she didn't knew.  
She didn't knew that his father beated him and she would never know.  
To sweet was the bubble in which she lived, Billy didn't wanted to be the one to show her how cruel the world really was.

,,Okay I'll ask him, but you have to do the favor for me first."declared Billy.

,,Okay. What do you want?"asked Max annoyed.

,,I want you to lie for me, while I go out."

,,That's all?"

,,Yup."

,,Easy."

If she only knew.

....

,,Okay. This is the plan I deliver you to Byers. You have fun do whatever you want too. I pick you up at six. Then I go out and you tell Neil nothing, OK?"

Max nodded solemnly.

,,Did you understood?"

,,Yes I did, whatever. Don't cream your pants."

Billy rolled his eyes but didn't snapped back, he knew better.  
The bruises still hurt and he could feel his back ache, from simply sitting.

As soon as Max left he turned the car around and drove back. If he wanted to go out later in the night he had to go back and play the dutiful son.  
In some ways Neil was really predictable and Billy knew that his chances would increase, if he gave a good act.

Sighing he parked and entered the house. Without Max, dinner would be hell. At least Susan was there even if she never did anything. Billy wasn't even sure if she knew. But there were times when Neil had beaten him, when she had been in the house.  
But on the other side he never saw her, when it happened, but she could have been there. After all he was occupied at the time being.

,,You should have come back faster. Susan already cooked and the food is starting to get cold."snapped his father.

Billy gritted his teeth and swallowed every heated answser . Then he made himself remember that he had only to play the act for a few hours.

,,I'm sorry Sir. But I didn't wanted to drive to fast with Max in the car."  
A pretty good answer decided Billy.

,,Yeah sure, don't act like you care about your sister. But since you are so sorry you can clean the dishes later.",

Billy barely avoided to roll his eyes at this comment. Neil always made him clean the dishes with some excuse. But he didn't let Billy cook. Because cooking is something only woman do. Neil called it how it was supposed to be.  
Billy called it sexistic.

At least he managed to avoid any arguments with his father. As soon as the eating was over he looked at the clock. I was only seven, Max had still a hour before he would pick here up.  
Lucky bitch he thought.  
Out there and free.

...

,,Ouch! Look where you plant your feed!"snapped Mike.

,,I'm sorry. Wasn't on purpose."apologised Dustin.

,,Whatever."snorted Mike.

,,Could you be quite? Or do you want to get beaten?"asked Max a bat with Nails in one hand and pointing with it towards the two boys.

,,I start to think we shouldn't have gone to search for demorgens."annonced Lucas.

,,Now you sound like Steve."said Eleven frowning.

,,Maybe we should listen to what Steve said."

,,No way. Steve thinks he knows better then we. We are definitely old enough to search for demorgens."argued Dustin.

,,Maybe we can argue later and search now?"asked Will.

Nodding they began there task again.  
Lucas and Mike, where both trusted with a flashlight and searched for any hints.  
Max had a bat in case they would actually see a demorgen.  
Will and Dustin used there eyes and ears to help Lucas and Mike search.  
Eleven reached out with here superpowers.

Then Steve stumbled over them.

,,How could you run away? I went half crazy! Everyone is freaked out, because you all just fucking left without telling anyone!"thundered Steve angry.

,,We had to look for demorgens."explained Mike angry.

,,No you don't! You are kids. What would you have done, whether demorgens found you?"yelled Steve.

,,We would have beaten them."yelled Dustin back.

,,With what? One nailed bat? Sure try it and die."snorted Steve.

,,We would have won."insisted Mike stubbornly.

,,No. You would be dead."

,,We wouldn't. We are armed and we have fought Demorgens before."argued Dustin.

,,Enough. Do you even know what you are doing? You just ran off in a dark forest to search for monsters. Plus only one of you is armed."slowly Steve let his words sink in.

,,What if the Demorgen chose to attack Dustin. You don't have a weapon and most likely the Demorgen will reach you before Max can defend you."shot Steve.

,,Okay, Okay. We are going back with you."gave Mike in.  
But there hang a silent ,for now, unspoken in the air.

,,Good follow me."gruffed Steve.

,,Were are we going ?"

,,Too my car."answered Steve grumpy.

The walk was a silent and uneasy one.  
None dared to speak in case it would only boil oil in the flames.

The car from Steve wasn't at first visible at the street.  
But as soon as they saw it they cursed.  
Over it were dozen of scratches and ot front shield was broken in.

,,Oh shit."cursed Steve.

,,That can't have happened."sweared Max.

,,But it has."

,,Gosh what are we doing now?"cursed Steve.

,,Has anyone of you his mobile phone with him?"asked Max.

,,No I had to charge it."answered Steve.

,,Fuck we went on a monsterhunting adventure, not to an internet cafe."gave Mike back.

The others also only shrugged.

,,Fuck we are done."sighed Steve.

,,No, we will just walk back."explained Max.

,,You are insane."groaned Mike.

,,Do you have any better ideas."snapped Max.

,,No."admitted Mike.

,,Then shut up and walk."

* * *

,,Were are you Max."cursed Biy.

She wasn't were she should be that was clear.  
No Max in sight and it got slowly late.  
The Byers mother had also been worried, but too hadn't any clue were they could be.

,,Fuck you."cursed Billy.

His only hint was the mention of the Byers woman that they had gone to play in the first.  
What the hell was wrong with the kids.  
She also told him that Steve already was searching for them.

Growling he pushed Max's mobile phone number again in his mobile phone.  
Still only the voice mail.  
His father would be so mad if he would be late again.

He entered his car with a sigh and drove away.  
Growling he took every turn until he left Hawkins for the woods.  
At least he could say that he had searched for her.  
Gosh his back still ached from the last beating.  
As soon as he was in the forest he cursed them again.

What the hell was wrong with these kids?

His mind got quite absent until he actually saw a car.  
A few people wre assembled around it and fuck there were dogs chasing them.  
And then one dog opened his mouth.  
Suddenly the dogs face quartered itself and it snapped after MAX.

,,What the fuck Max!"yelled Billy.  
Then he hit the breaks and he hit them hard.  
His car spun around and took one of the dogs with it, but luckily enough no human.

Frightened but certain he had to do something he left his car and went to the littel group.  
One of the dogs snapped after him and he grapped it by it neck and threw it away.  
After all he was always a littel bit suicidal.  
In the other hand was a crossbar he had in the car just in case he would need it. Now was the time for it. With another move of his hand he cought the next dog. ,,Max what have you done?"growled Billy as soon as he reached the littel group. For a second he turned around and hit one of the strange dogs with the crossbar again. This time he heard the crack of bones. ,,What are you even doing here?"snapped she back. ,,I'm saving your littel ass."growled Billy. Again he hit one of the strange dog.


	4. Chapter 4

,,You are all idiots."cursed Billy.

,,You can go if you want. Nobody makes you stay."snapped Max back.

,,He saved our lives. He is still an A-plus asshole but he did save our lifes."stated Dustin as a matter of fact.

,,You mean I am still saving your littel asses."clarified Billy.

,,We don't need him."muttered Max.

,,And how will you come back?"asked Billy hitting another Demorgen with his crossbar.  
Surprisingly he seemed to adjust to the situation without any hesitation.  
Not even one word of why? Who? What? When?

,,Not with your car."pointed Max and Billy looked at his car, then he cursed.  
The demorgens had already damaged the wheels of his car and made it impossible to drive it anymore.

,,Fuck them all!"cursed Billy and added a few more even worse insults.  
But at least there were only two demorgens left circling them with slow motions.  
Two minutes later they were dead as well.

,,Okay that was easy."said Lucas relived.

,,Maybe. But what was that? How? When? Why am I the only shocked one?"demanded Billy to know.

Sighing Steve started to explain the whole Upside down business to Billy.

,,You are all crazy."was Billy's only commentary.

,,How do we get away from here?"asked Dustin.

,,I will call a friend."said Billy sighing.

,,Wow you have friends? Really living and breathing friends?"exclaimed Mike shocked.

,,Yes."snapped Billy.

,,You don't mean Tommy, don't you?"asked Steve annoyed.

,,No, I and Tommy aren't friends."stated Billy than he walked to his car and got his mobile phone out.

,,None of you will get on his nerves got me littel brats?"commanded Billy.

,,Sure. Like you did whith Steve."shot Mike back.

,,Friens don't lie."added Jane not very helpful.

,,Good then, that we aren't friends."muttered Billy pushing the numbers in his phone and the dialing.

,,Who are you even calling?"asked Mike.

,,Maybe he is calling a kidnapper or a killer. I heard he was already in prison."whispered Dustin loud and everyone could here it.

,,I don't know him from prison."replied Billy eye rolling.

,,But you were in prison?"asked Mike frowning.

Billy didn't even acknowledge Mike's question.

Then finally picked his friend the phone up.

,,Billy? I thought we would met later?"

,,Plane change. My car is done and I am in the fucking middle of nowhere."

,,I am pretty sure you said that Hawkins is the middle of nowhere."

,,It is. But this is even more in the fucking middle of nowhere."replied Billy.

,,I guess you call me so I pick you up?"

,,Yup. Me and my littel sister and her friends and their babysitter."added Billy.

,,What are you even doing? A picnic ? A birthday party?"

,,Don't ask me why but Max and here friends ran of in the forest and got lost. Then their babysitter ran after them. Then he found them but his car was trash."

,,And what is your part in this Billy?"

,,I am getting there James. Wait. Then Neil sent me to search for Max. After I found her my car also got damaged. And now we need you.'"

,,I don't get how this all happened, but I guess I can rescue you all. Where are you?"

Billy explained carefully to James how he should drive and when he would reach them.

Then he did his best to ignore the littel shits, sadly it didn't worked really well.

,,Who is he? How old is he? Is he an ass like you?"

God he hated these littel brats, they should be grateful that he helped them and not annoy him to death.  
He figured out he could replied in questions too.

,,Why has Jane these powers. What has the sheriff to do with her? Where are her parents?"

THAT shut them effectively down. How Billy enjoyed the silence.

Then an old truck came down the road and Billf felt his mood lighten.  
At least now another not-middel schooler joined them.  
God, he had missed his friend.

,,Isn't that James truck?"asked Max suspicously.

Billy didn't even bothered to reply.  
Of course it was James truck.

The old truck came to a sudden hold and a black guy got out of it.

,,Wow your car is really done Billy. Hi Max."added James cheerfully.  
Once again Billy recoginesd that James had a better relationship with Max than he.  
For a second he felt jealous. But after all that was really easy.

,,James."cried Max out and hugged him.

,,I thought you and Billy weren't friends anymore. After all you didn't came around anymore and Billy doesn't spoke of you anymore."added Max.  
James only shrugged and hugged her back.

,,Maybe he was racistic."muttered Mike.

,,You're an racist Billy? How? When? Why did nobody told me?"asked James and he sounded now much more serious.

,,I am friends with you James and I an NOT a racist."added Billy defensive.  
But he knew that James knew that and only said that so Billy knew that James wanted to know.

,,Sure and that isn't why you attacked Lucas."muttered Dustin.

Billy saved his breath. After all nobody would be live him except maybe James.  
And he would need to tell James all and everything.

,,Seriously Billy?"asked James and he could hear that he was so done.  
Now he had to tell everything to James and then he would need to beg for forgiveness.  
Oh God he hated to beg.

So Billy just walked to the car and got in.  
After a short while the rest followed.  
Cleverly Billy claimed to ride shot gun and the rest had to get in the back of the car.

,,You will tell me everything."whispered James in Billy's ear and he only nodded

,,We should drive to the sheriff's cabin."said Steve out of nowhere.

,,No."growled Billy back.

,,Why not?"asked Max angry ,, he would understand and we can stay there for the night."

,,THEY can for all I care. But Neil asked me to bring you back and I will do so."shot Billy back.

,,Come on, you don't even like him. Just let us go to the sheriff. Neil will yell at you, damn it he yells at you even when you bring me in time. He always yells at you, what does it matter?"asked Max.  
So the littel bitch noticed that Neil only yelled at him and not at her.  
But she certainly didn't knew what happened behind closed doors..

,,It matters to ME. He doesn't yells at you, but he yells at me for everything like you said. But if I bring you home NOW he will maybe yell not much."replied Billy.  
But in truth it wasn't about the yelling, it was about the beating.  
His father would beat him, that was clear, but Billy still cared how hard he would get beaten.

,,,Oh come on Billy. Is that about making Neil proud?"asked Max ironically.

,,What?!"exclaimed Billy. Had the littel shit lost all her brain cells for good now?

,,You know that he will never be proud, don't you?"asked Max and she sounded soft, like she pitied him or some other shit.  
A long time ago she would have been right, that was when he was only a boy and his father only slapped him or occasionally beat him.  
That was when Billy believed it was normal.

,,I know Max, but I still don't like to get yelled at."or to get beaten up, for that matter. But Billy staid silent like he always had. Who would believe him, the trouble teenager?

,,Is this why you are so angry, you have daddy issues?"asked Mike amused. And the pure ton of this shit set Billy completly off. White, hot anger filled him and he balled his hands to fist and he hah to held himself from killing that littel shit right now.

,,If you ever say that again I will punch you."said Billy and his voice was cold and hard like ice.

Like his eyes which suddenly resembled cold artic water under a littel layer of ice.  
Ice that would brake under your wake and let you sink into the cold deadly water.

,,The sheriff would throw you..."began Mike to threathen.

,,Do you really think that will scare me? The sheriff? Bugger the consequences, I will punch you and I think I will punch you hard."said Bill full of anger.

,,Is this how you solve your problems, by punching children? You don't punch children it isn't okay, don't you have any limits? "asked Stece angry.  
But if he got punched it is okay?  
Because he knew in their eyes it was probably was.  
He was a monster and dangerous.  
Once a Deputy saw what happened and he just turned away.  
Turned away and left me with my father and that after I told him everything, thought Billy.

,,Billy won't punch him."growled James and the look in James eyes said that Billy wouldn't and Billy's heart melt.

His blue eyes lost some of ther coldness and resembled now more the warm ocean in California.

No one said anything, only when James asked for directions and got an answers voices filled the car.

,,We are there."says James when he parked in obviously relieved.

,,Good I don't think I could have staid with a psychopath anymore."spat Mike out and turned away.  
The other kids left quickly.  
Soon enough the teenagers followed.

,,Oh God, why the hell did you run away?"asked Mrs Byers and hugged her kids.

,,Mrs. Byers, what the hell?"asked Billy, looking confused at the woman which stood in the cabin of the sheriff.

,,Ah Billy, you are the one responsible for my broken plate aren't you?"asked Mrs. Byers looking him hard in the eyes, with a knowing glare.  
But she can't know, no one knows.

,,You owe me so many explanations."growled James and he could hear the disappointment in James voice.

On some level, the disappointment was worse then every hit, every slap or kick.  
Simply because it was James.  
James was everything he had left.

,,I know I know and I swear I will explain everything I have done."said Billy sadly, knowing that James wouldn't be pleased.

,,So what happened?"asked the Sheriff.

And suddenly all the kids began to explain in the same fucking moment. At the end Steve explained it all to the adults and Nancy fucking Wheler and Jonathan. For some damn fucking reason Billy didn't knew.

,,You can all stay, there isn't enough space so you all have to share."explained the sheriff.

,,I will share with Bill, he still hasn't answered my questions."snapped James.

* * *

......... .. ......

,,I want to hear everything."demanded James.

,,I know."said Billy and sat on the bed, sighing deeply and wishing he hadn't to. He wished he was a better person and didn't needed to do such things.

,,Mf father is homophe and a racist you know this. When I knew Max and Sinclair started dating I knew I had to stop them. And I just didn't knew how and I tried it like this...  
I know it was awful, but damn it, it was necessary."growled Billy.

,,And Steve?"asked James coldly.

,,He made my life more difficult and he tried to stop me from bringing Max home."

,,He still beats you, doesn't he?"asked James sadly.

,,Yes, yes he does."admitted Billy and he hated himself for that sentence. He shouldn't have to say that.

,,What is with Max why does she hate you so much? It was bad in California l, but it has become even worse."

,,It got worse because I blame her for the move. She told Neil and..."trailed Billy unablelto say it.

,,...and he found us together, doing things we shouldn't do in his eyes."ened James the sentence.

For a second both of them became silent.  
They both had wanted it at the time and they both still did.  
But they couldn't look each other in the eyes sometimes, not after they had become.....more then friends.  
At least Billy couldn't.

,,It isn't only this, I blame her and I fear for her. And looking at her... it makes me ashamed of myself. Of what I did to her friends and...."god he couldn't say it, couldn't admit it to himself, when his father claimed it was so wrong.

Billy closed his eyes and quitly cursed himself.  
He could blame Neil for many things, but not for this.

,,Why am I like this, why? Whit can't I be normal and live a normal life, why can't I be..."again he missed the words.

,,...straight?"asked James him softly and sat to him on the bed.  
Then James softly pressed a kiss on his lips.

,,Does that feel wrong to you?"asked James softly before he kissed him again, this time on the jaw.

,,No."admitted Billy and kissed James back.

Because it did felt right.  
So damn right.  
And he wanted it, he had missed it.  
Had missed James.

,,God I missed that."groaned James covering Billy in kisses.

,,James, James we can't if we get discovered..."

,,God Billy we won't."said James before he pushed Billy on the bed and climbed on top of him kissing him on the neck.

,,God I missed that too, but not now not here."demanded Billy.

,,I can live with that."groaned James.

Then ......strange sounds began to echo through the house.

,,Are that...?"asked James wiede eyed.

,,,Yes Nancy and her freak boyfriend."murmured Billy slightly smiling. ,,Be nice Billy. After all they are our scapegoats for every sound that comes out of our room."growled James prssing a kiss against Billy's skin. Oh God, why did something so many people said was wrong, had to fell that could. Why did he only felt like this with boys, with James. A littel part of Billy hated himself for messing with James hair. But that littel part was ignored.

,,God I missed you."sighted James and kissed Billy deeply.

,,I missed you too."replied Billy kissing James back and deepening the kiss.

,,As soon as you turn eighteen you have to come to life with me."decided James

,,Sure."muttered Billy. It always had been his dream to run away, as soon as he turned eighteen and when he started secretly seeing James, he knew it.  
That was the man he wanted to life with.  
Damned be all what Neil said,something that felt so good, couldn't be wrong, could it?

They did nothing serious that night (sadly). But they just couldn't get cought, not again...  
Or maybe Neil would uproot them and move them to an diffrent country.  
When they went to sleep James hugged Billy tight, like he never wanted to let go and it felt good. Through Billy would never admitt it to anyone.

........

,,Morning."muttered Will and exchanged glances with the rest of the party.  
They all couldn't help but stare at Billy and James.  
Who were talking, who got along with each other.

It was just so uncommon to see the asshole actually be decent and not just on his usual badass psychopathic behaviour.

,,Am I dreaming?"asked Mike disbelieving.

,,Nope, that is real."said Lucas.

,,God I never thought your brother could be a decent human being."said Mike with suprise.

Max just ignored him,she still didn't liked him the most time, even through he was right this time, it was strange to see another version of Billy.  
One that wasn't always angry and mad at her.

,,Come shitbird, we gotta go."yelled Billy and began to leave. And ther was the Billy she hated again.

,,Can't you at least pretend to be nice?"asked James, but it only earned him an eye roll.

,,I am coming asshole."muttered Max.

,,Don't you want to stay? Breakfast will be soon."asked Hopper, cleary with the intention to make Billy aware secrecy about all the things he knew now.

,,I and Max can't be such a bother, Sir. We will go and please don't call our parents, they just would be unecessary worried, Sir."explained Billy in his 'respectful' voice. It was the voice he normally used on Neil.  
It didn't really worked most of the time but it was better, then when Billy used his 'rebel-son' voice.

,,You wouldn't be a bother.."tried Hopper, but it was to late.  
When Bily was on the run, then he ran and he ran fast.

,,Couldn't we eat there?"asked Max angered.

,,No shitbird. Neil will kill us, or more exactly me, for coming late and the later we come, the worse it will get."growled Billy and dragged her towards the truck.

,,Be nice."growled James.

,,I am nice."said Billy.

,,You are NOT nice. Please Billy, do it, be nice."asked James and looked at Billy with that particular, he hated. Everytime James looked at him like this...it meant Billy acted bad...really bad. Like his father. That was the reason, why he closed his eyes shortly and breathed in and out. After a short sighd he let Max arm go.

,,I am sorry."mumbled Billy and walked away.

,,Thanks."called James after him and followed him.

Max followed the two shortly after that and was startled. Billy never apologized, unless his father made him.

Maybe that was something to think about.  
Billy always considered his choices carefully and thought about the consequences before he did something. She didn't knew why, but he always stopped himself before acting, at least when he was home.

......

,,You are late again."

,,I am sorry Sir, but..."

,,No, buts! I hate your pathetic excuses. Do NOT interrupt me again boy! I provide a roof over your head and give you food."spat Neil in Billy's face.

Max watched with big eyes, Neil was seldom that mad.  
For a second or si she felt guilty for Billy, but in the end he deserved it, he deserved it all.

,,Do you understand?"growled Neil.

Billy only nodded and didn't dare to look his father in the eyes. There was something disturbing about the scene, tha Max couldn't figure out and didn't really want to if she was honest.

,,Go to your room Max. And YOU speak when I talk to you."demanded Neil.

As she went upstairs she could hear them still. It was always the same things it came down to.

,,What did we talk about?" It was always the same question.

Soft spoken and in a way that sounded treacherous.

,,Respect and responsibility." That was the same answer as always. Spoken almost unhearable . She walked faster now. Whatever the punishment Billy got, he probably deserved it. But still she stood on the stairs for a second, thinking about it. There was a part of her that KNEW that Neil wasn't right, that he went to far. But so did Billy, she reasond and then she turned around and left.

....

,,It isn't my fault Max...."

Slap.

,,Don't event try to make that your sisters fault! She is the good kid, she is NOT a faggot and SHE doesn't fool around with people of the WRONG kind."snapped Neil. Sure.

Billy wanted to laugh. If Neil knew about Sinclair, Max would be done in his fathers eyes too. Maybe they fought that Sinckair sneaked in to hide from Bily, but in reality the had to hide from Neil.

,,Don't you dare grinning about that! You come back in the morning and you dare laughing? I don't work so you can be an irresponsible and unrespectful man."snapped Neil. Slap. Billy did his best to hide any amusement. Years with his father thought him many thinks.

If he really wanted to he could be charming as hell or he could be an Asshole of the worst kind. It was like to sides of the same coin. One side of Neil was presented to the world. It was the nice good citizen side. The other side was reserved for Billy and had been for his mother. It was the cold, hard and unbending side. The side that pushed him around.

Both sides were something Billy could copy perfectly. But still he felt that they weren't him. He was neither of them, not truly and he hoped he would never be.

,,I will teach you about Respect and Responsibility."promised his father. He took one of Billy's arms and twisted it. It was like the hold of a vice and felt unbreakable to Billy. Somehow that cought him by suprise, he would have bet his money that his father would hit him again.

But suprise, suprise he had a new awful punishment for Billy. Suddenly Billy frowned. No, not new, but old and... cold. A shudder went through his body.

,,Dad please."said Billy flatly. Deep down he KNEW it wasn't going to get him anywhere. Neil ignored his son and didn't even bothered with a response. He just dragged Billy futher. God Billy wasn't even there and he could already hate it.

Sometimes he wished he could be what his father wanted. A good, nice and kind son, respectful and responsible. But his father was a bad fatger and Billy was a bad son. The only difference beween them was what the hid.

Neil hid what he did to Billy. He hid his really personality and the fact how bad he was.

Billy hid the fact how hurt and vulnerable he was. Hurt them before the can hurt you.

But as Neil finally dragged him into the destination Billy Billy thought sadly : How do you hurt stone and darkness first? How can you possibly think to hurt coldness and loneliness?

Of course locked Neil the damned door when left Billy alone. Left him in the cold and hard cellar. Left him alone in darkness and loneliness.


	5. Chapter 5

What a strange thought.  
He had fought against demorgens, but still....it was a suprise to see Billy fucking Hargrove being a decent human being.

It was like watching an entire diffrent person.  
Same body.  
Same clothes.  
Same cologne.  
Same shitty comments about everyone and everything.

But there was something diffrent.  
Diffrent voice...somehow.  
Softer and warmer, there wasn't a hidden threat in Billy's voice when he talked to James.  
Diffrent behaviour.  
Around James, Billy seemed to warm up and reveal how nice he could be.  
And at last....Diffrent eyes.  
Normally you could drown in Billy's eye, they were like ice-cold water. You went in swimming and it killed you, before you ever could leave it. It was like being in the arctic sea.  
But with James...it was like looking in the sae at California. When you looked from the beach you could see its power and strength. After all the sea seemed endless and like a force you should reacon with.  
But there was something about the California's sea tha made it so attractive.  
It was playfully and warm.  
Strong but nice and kind too.

Like Billy at that Moment.  
He was still strong, hard and a force, but there had been something that softed his edges. Something that made him more open.

Steve didn't knew what to make out of that.  
After all James was black, not that Steve had a problem with that. But he had thought that Billy had. That Billy was a racist.

He wished that he and Nancy were still together. Then he could tell her about that.

But they weren't.

Sighing Steve let himself fall on his soft bed and close his eyes.

....

Max wondered where Billy was. Usually you could here him when he was in the house. Unless Neil was there, then Billy went suddenly. As if himself father meant a total silence was required.  
Sometimes she asked herself, why Neil seemed to hate Billy.  
Of course, he was loud and just mean, in a way that frightens Max sometimes.  
It seemed like he always tested his boundaries and pushed futher and futher .  
Billy seemed to walk on the edge of a cliff and sometimes he looked like he was ready to jump.

But Neil wasn't only hard with Billy when he did something wrong, but too when he did something good.  
She had seen Billy bring back A after A on his tests, but never once Neil gave him a smile or told him that he did good.  
Never.  
When max brought a D back one time and had to show it to Neil, she had feared he would angry, like he was always with Billy.  
But he wasn't.  
There was no yelling.  
He signed that D and told Billy he had to help her learn.

She didn't knew why, but somehow there was big difference between Billy and her in Neil eyes.  
Even through Billy was Neil's son in blood he would do never right.  
And she would always.

......

Susan closed her eyes and hoped for better times.

,,Don you think you are a bit hard on the boy. I mean he brought her back....he was just late."said Susan softly.

Instantly she could see the anger grow in Neil up. ,,A littel late?"asked Neil angry. ,,That wasn't a littel, that was far from a littel and he knew it. Billy just wants to see if he can get away with it, but he won't. I promise you that."growled Neil. ,,Calm down Neil, I'm sure that Billy never would do something that stupid."assured Susan and hoped that would do the job. She didn't wanted to hear the telling in her house again. ,,Keep your nose iut of my business."warned Neil her and added ,,,he is my son and how I raise him is only my business." That were Neil's last words to the theme and she knew it so she shut up

..............

Of all parts in his relationship with his father he hated this one the most.  
The waiting.  
It was sometimes worse then the actual beating, because at least after the beating it was over for a while. But with the waiting whenever knew when and what kind of beating he would get. And he felt reminded of what his life was like.  
An endless try to please his father, something he had thought impossible.

But then came Max.  
Perfect, littel Max and Neil ADORED her, despite all her many faults. She wasn't good in school and she had these littel strange freaky friends, but in Neil's eyes she was perfect. Once she brought a D home, a fucking D and Neil only said, Billy had to tutor her, like it was his fault! Billy knew that his father would have given him a beating for bringing a D home, but Max didn't even got a cross word!

And now she had ruined his meeting with James too. And God he had wanted his meeting with James to go perfect and all. But she had ruined it.

,,I hate you Max."said Billy to himself and it felt kind of good. But at the same time, he knew how false it was, because he shouldn't blame her, after all it was his fathers fault.

Groaning Billy got up and looked out of the window just to make sure which time it was. Damn it he thought, it was a long way till dawn and he was awake. His father would kill him, if he made any sound now and disturbed the precious sleep of his old man. But that didn't meant he couldn't do what he wanted, as long as he kept quit it would be fine. So he got up and went slowly downstairs and then he opened the Cameron and took out, what he always kept hidden. No one knew about that part if him, except from James. But James was an exception from other people, he knew more about Billy than mist single and small minded people ever would. So he took the books out and started reading. Normally parents encourage their children in reading, or at least they didn't punished them for it. But Neil was diffrent, something Billy learned early. All parents wanted their children to do good, but Neil wanted him to be perfect and to screw up at the same time. Every time Billy did something wrong, Neil told him how embarrassed and what a nothing he was. But Billy knew, knew that Neil enjoyed it. At some weird and twisted corner of Neil's mind, their was a part that enjoyed that Billy was not perfect. So he kept his books hidden, told no one about James and made out with many girls. He went to basketball practice and the only grades he got were A's. .................. His father didn't punished him. Not really at last, not this time and it was confusing. Normally his father would give him a big beating or somethingh else, but no. And that was bad. The weeks went by and nothing happened. Billy went to school, Max kept on driving him insane, Harrigtion was still stupid. It was to normal to be normal. There was always something going wrong in Billy's life, this couldn't be it. Chemistry and basketball kind of changed it. It all started innocently as a pop quiz. Which was perfectly normal, after all it was school and that was what teacher did, they tried to torture you with test and class test.

Not that Billy minded the test to much, actually he kind if enjoyed it. Because he had learned and could be kind of sure to get a good grade. (His father didn't allowed him to have anything which was worse than an A- .  
But he too enjoyed to see all the others concentrate and shut up. Sometimes Billy even felt that he could see their panic on their faces, all in all an nice sight.  
And sure enough he got an A. So it seemed like there were no ups.  
At first.

,,Billy? Would you please stay after the lesson for a quick talk?"asked the teacher suddenly.  
And Billy fucking froze.  
Because he couldn't be in trouble, his father would kill him and he didn't do anything wrong (At least this time).

No way that he had done something wrong in this class. There must be an mistake.  
Than came the next sentence out of the teachers mouth.  
,,Steve, would you please stay to for a littel talk?"

So, all the others went out and they had to stay. Everybody shot them littel glances and some of them grinned. Billy knew that they assumed that he and Steve had fucked up and gotten bad grades or were even failing class.  
But they were wrong, they had to be wrong.

Oh God, he started to think,had Ateve found out.  
Were a few glances at him and Hames enough to see, what they were?  
Had he told the teachers? His parents? Or the worst thing of all, had he told Neil?  
Immediately Billy started to feel hot and started sweating. God, now he hoped he was failing class.

,,I have talked to your coach and he said you two didn't get along, at all. That is why we stated talking, in the first place. But now an other problem came up and we figured out, why not solve two problems with one solution?"

Now Billy felt completely lost, what the hell was the guy talking about?  
Sure he and Harrington didn't get along, but what was this other problem?

,,All in all, we decided that Billy could help Steve learn for chemistry, will you figure out your problems."

,,Steve is failing chemistry?"  
Not that it should be much of a suprise anyway, it was obviously that Harrigton wasn't the brightested.  
Under that way to much hair, seemed to be no good functioning brain, only hot air.  
But to fail chemistry, that was serious shit.

,,Not yet ."snapped Harrington back and sounded really defensive.

,,That isn't the point. You two need to get along or you both are out of the basketball team."interrupted the teacher them both.  
Ah fuck.  
Not that Billy would care enough about basketball to help Harrington, but his father cared enough, for him to care.  
Oh shit, thought Billy, oh shit.

......... ....

,,I just want to make this clear. I am not failing chemistry yet, okay?"

,,Whatever. Look I don't like you, you don't like me, so let's get this over with, capiche?  
Were do you want to study?"snapped Billy, before Harrigton went on talking like this for ever.

,,Wait, why should you tutor me?  
You grades can't be better than mine."shot Harrigton back.

,,Not better? I got an A, you Idiot, what do you got?"snapped Billy back. Sometimes he hated how the people always assumed was stupid as shit.

,,Point taken. We could study at my house?"asked Harrigton hopefully.

,,Sure."agreed Billy and stormed off.  
What an idiot.

Not only because he needed tuition, but because he assumed that Billy was stupid too.  
What was it about him, that screamed that he was stupid?  
Sure he was numerous things and most of them weren't good ones.  
He was a jerk, an asshole.  
A bad brother.  
A bully.  
But he wasn't dumb.

..................

It always suprised him again how his father managed to rule their whole family life, trough he wasn't often around.  
But it seemed like the hours Neil did spent at home he did his best to show what he wanted them to be and what he thought of them.  
Every time Susan cooked, Neil praised her, like she had just made an five-star, three course meal.  
In Billy's opinion it tasted like shit.  
But he learned long ago that cooking wasn't somethingh man did.  
It was a woman's job.  
Such bullshit.

So right now Neil made an effort to show Susan how good she cooked and then he turned his attention to Max.  
Like always Neil congratulated Susan first on cooking and then he asked about Max's day.

Billy just couldn't decide if he liked this or not. On the bright side he got some time before his father told him how disappointing he was. On the other side, it was awful to wait. To know what was coming and knowing there wasn't anything to prevent it. Kind of, watching someone pointing a gun at you and pulling the trigger, but you can't move.

,,So how was your day?"  
There it was, the question he knew would come. Of course it sounded normal, but he knew his father long enough to know that he just got started.

,,Great. We got the test in chemistry back and I got an A."answered Billy, hoping it might please his father to know his son was at least good in school.

,,Try to be more humble about this, next time Billy. You shouldn't think you are a better person just because you are good in school.  
A man is not a good man, because of his grades.  
Do you know what it takes to be a good man?"  
He hated this question with every fine if his being. It just went against Billy's whole being. And of course he wasn't a man, he was a teenager.  
Because if he wasn't a teenager, then he wouldn't have to be here and he could go.  
Go and never come back.

,,Respect and responsibly, Sir."answered Billy, despite what he truly wanted to answer.  
( A good man would never beat a kid)

,,Good, now try to be this things."added Neil and grinned smugly at him.  
Billy hated this smile.  
And he hated that he had to open his mouth again. But from experience he knew he should tell his father ahead, before he found out.  
(Because his father always did)

,,Actually that wasn't it all. My teacher asked me to tutor Steve in Chemistry."

Some parents would say great.  
Some would say, noce from you, to do this.

,,Is that an excuse to follow your unatural urges?"  
(Neil was not that kind of parent)

,,No, Sir."tried Billy to calm him.  
Tried to escape what was coming.  
A part of him wanted to beg, wanted his father to forgive him for saying something.  
(This part was waek).  
Another part wanted to say, yes and get into a fight with Neil and show him how strong he really was.  
(That part insane).  
The next part of him wanted to run back to California.  
(That part was just stupid)

In the end Billy did what he always did.  
Nothing.

,,Why don't you got to bed Sweetie?"asked Susan.  
As always making sure that her daughter was safe.  
Not once she stood up for Billy.

But Billy kind of understood, she wanted to keep herself and Max safe.  
Nothing wrong with that, but it didn't meant that Billy would do the same. At least he hoped that he would never do the same. That he would step up and safe a child he saw getting abused.  
Or that he never would abuse a child of his own.

Susan was weak.  
Billy hoped he was stronger.

..................

The next school day went like hell.  
Why was there nothing interesting in Hawkins?  
Sure normally he liked to be in the centre of the attention but right now he would like some peace.

Everyone starred at him like the world had turned upside down. But noone dared to asked the question

Every single one of them feared him.  
At least Billy assumed it and it made him sick to think that this was the reason, why no one of them dared to ask him the question.  
Was he really that bad?

,,Wow, who was the unlucky bastard on the other end?"

Now he wished no one had asked.

,,No one you know."  
But that didn't seemed to stop Tommy who now talked to him.  
Damn it.  
He despised the boy for being such a shallow person, always claiming to be his friend. But deep down Tommy only would be his friend for the time, Billy was popular.  
If he would fall like Steve from the throne, Tommy would happily wait for the next King or Queen.

That they were now friends meant nothing. As soon as Billy showed weakness he would fall in Tommy's eyes. So Billy told him nothing.  
Didn't told him about the black eye or the other bruises. Tommy didn't knew anything about him.

Not about the bruises.  
Not about the upside down.  
Not about James.

And I was better this way.  
While Tommy talked and Carlo joined themat some point, Billy kept walking.

.............

School seemed to fly by, not that Billy paid much attention. His bruises pitched and his thoughts circled around the upside down, about Max and her nerdy friends and of course James.  
What was he doing right now?

,,Billy? Would you please pay attention?"asked the teacher of all sudden.  
Now everyone starred at him again.  
Great.

,,Sure."replied Billy and did so, fir the next ten seconds. ...........


	6. Chapter 6

Max couldn't believe her brother.  
Or more exactly what he did.  
Which was nothing.  
Billy seemed to be lost in thought, somehow quiter. Normally Billy was loud and angry always resting boundaries and stepping over them. He never seemed to give a sbjt what the people thought of him.  
Which was nothing good,as knew because the people talked and seemed to forget that he was her brother constantly.  
In their eyes he was a douche and an asshole. And Max had to admit they were right, completly right.

What she really confused, was how the girls still seemed to adore him.  
Girls like this always confused her and it angered her how her mother tried her to make her more like them. But Max didn't wanted to be such a girl.  
Every time she tried to tell her mother that she was fine with being herself her mother replied stuff like, ,,but don't you want to be a real girl?"  
Or somethingh like ,,don't you want a husband and kids?"  
,,Please try this dress Maxine, you aren't a boy."

But why did she had to wear a dress? It didn't made her a boy just because she didn't liked dresses. And she knew that a woman didn't had to just be a wive an get kids. Of course there was nothing wrong with that, but she wanted more.  
So much more.

,,Hey Max."  
A welcome interruption of her thoughts.  
At least if he was the one interrupting.

,,Hey Lucas. Are we going to meet in the arcade later?" She really needed some time away from her family. Not only away from her mother but from Billy to.  
And Neil.

,,Sure, the party will come too."replied Lucas smiling. At this Max supressed a sigh, the party still seemed to not include her. Especially Mike always tried to push her away.

.........

,,You are late."  
Nothing more.  
Which was strange , normally now he would snap at her.

But nothing, just this strange silence from Billy. Of course he still talked, but not in his normal amount.  
Maybe it was about the whole Upside down thing. After Steve told him about it and explained everything Billy didn't said much.

,,I'm sorry."replied Max trying to fill the awkward silence which had settled down between them.  
Maybe now he would talk, but nothing.  
He didn't gave the slightested reply.

The rode home was silent too.  
At least when you only counted taking, Billy still heard his music as loud as ever, not caring if it wasn't a nice thing to do.  
But that was something about Billy that she had noticed before, he didn't seemed to care what people thought. Whatever the appropriate thing to do was, you could count on him, to do the opposite.

Only around Neil it seemed always like Billy grew silent, like he grew........less.  
Out of the house he was aggressively and lound, in the house with Neil he was quite and passive.  
As if Neil robbed him of his breath.

As if too gove her an example Billy turned down the music on a reasonable level.  
Parking as usual her older stepbrother grew even more silent and sighed.  
Without a word he stood up and left, soon Max followed him.

..........

Without any warmth or feeling of being welcome Bill looked at the house. It was supposed to be his new home,but he didn't regarded it as such.  
It was more like a prison for him until he turned eighteen. As soon as he had his birthday he would go and he didn't thought he would look back.

But right now he had to get in there and there would be Neil.  
With a littel luck Neil wouldn't be home yet, but Billy didn't counted on it. As far as he was concerned he had run out of luck a long time ago

Every time he went into the house he felt as if he became an actor or put an mask on. Here he tried to hide who he was and tried to never let his father see, who he was.

Sighing he went into the house and instantly smelled that Susan was cooking. Another thing which he would have to lie about. It was always the same at dinner, ever time his father wanted him too thank Susan fi her cooking and tell her how delicious it was.  
Somethingh which was maybe true,but Billy could never mean it sincerely, it just was nothing in comparison to his mother cooking.

Muttering a quit hello, Billy tried to take the stairs and spent a littel time in his room.  
But if curse he couldn't even have this littel time if piece.

,,Why don't you help Susan and set the table?"with these words Billy was now doomed to do house chores and eating instead of getting a littel time for himself.  
But even trough it sounded like a question, Billy knew it wasn't a question.  
It never was.

,,Sure."muttered Billy and walked over to Susan, which was doing something that gave him the expression that she tried to burn the food.  
Now it would be setting the table, then eating and after this washing the dishes and then going to sleep.  
Because no man should stay up late, unless he has to work.  
A rule which Neil broke even more often than Nilly. Most of the time Neil did it to drink.

..........

As soon as his door closed behind him Billy fell onto his bed and closed his eyes. Without even trying to, he started to picture James.  
The guy he missed and longed for, but would probably never have. There time back together had been extremely short and what littel time they had, they had to use to help getting the kids, where they should be.  
Few moments they could really spent together and it seemed they only showed Billy what he missed without satisfying any of his wanting.

A part of him despised right now every single couple for having what he wanted si badly, but couldn't have.  
As he started to fall asleep, the only thing he could think of was how he could get back to James.

..........

The following days went by without an incident. In the day time Billy did what he had to and in the night time he thought about James and getting back together for real. Not even Neil interrupted the endless days of doing nothing (at least nothing important).  
But one morning Billy was startled by an kind of angry Stecve Harrigton.

,,Have you forgotten me? We should have started meeting and you should have started tutoring me!"exclaimed Steve angrily and stood before him,in a way that told Billy that he was serious.

It wasn't exactly that Billy had forgotten their deal about him tutoring Steve,but he just hadn't cared to remeber it either.

,,So when do you want to meet, princess?"asked Billy, not really caring if they actually met or not.  
Maybe it could even prove to be a nice way to get his thoughts away from James for once. A littel time without constantly thinking about him, would be nice.

,,Don't call me that."growled Harrington and tried his best to stare Billy down.

Billy just starred back and blinked, then he walked away.

,,Tell me, at what time you are available Princess."yelled Billy over his shoulder to Steve, without slowing down.

...............

A part of Billy thought that Steve deserved to have bad grades, to be at last in one thing bad. In his opinion Steve had it all, the money, the popularity and every girl had loved him. But he threw it away, for the one girl that cheated on him.  
Billy just didn't got it, hiw could Steve still be friends with Nancy after all of this.  
Of course there was this crazy part about the upside down, maybe that was their connection. But was this really enough? Could you just forgive such things as cheating and still be friends and never mention it again?

In his opinion not and he didn't thought that they really had forgotten what she had done. Harrington was left back, always remebered, when he saw her, that she cheated. And Nancy would always feel guilty or at least ashamed looking at him, assumed Billy.  
But the only thing Billy really knew was that he wouldn't forgive James easily if he would ever cheat and James wouldn't forgive him easily too.

As he drive to Harrington house Billy started to wonder how this would ho.  
Would there be an awkward silence? Or would they just get started and learn all the time, pretending that they didn't knew each other personally.  
Maybe Harrington wouldn't mention that Billy beat him up at Byers, but Billy knew he would think about it.  
Since that night he sometimes wondered what it meant to Harrington.  
Did he thought that he was a crazy lunatic?  
Probably.  
Maybe it was even right, st least sometimes.

But what Billy knew was that he went their, already nervous and fearing what would later happen at home. Then he saw his littel sister and went mad. A littel part knew that they didn't knew what they did to him.  
They didn't knew what bruises and open wounds he carried.  
They knew nothing about him.

Sighing Billy stopped and looked at the house or more correctly he looked at the villa. Because that was it, a villa. With everything a big pool and a green lawn.  
It stood there and made him feel incredibly small.  
But at the same time it made him feel aware of what he was in all of their eyes.  
The punk, the drunken teen age boy, the fuck up, the bad son and annoying company. It seemed as if the villa judged him and only saw his flaws.

Breathing deep in trough his nose he started walking and soon enough stood before the door.

..............

Of course Hatgrove was late.  
How else should it be?

Steve shouldn't be supriesd, but he was. He had thought that Hargrove would take this seriously, at least it had seemed like this was the case. Maybe Hargrove wouldn't come at all. But after all, why should he?  
He never seemed to care, not for anything at least not really. Of course he played basketball with some passion, but he did it for a littel fun and if he hadn't been so good at it, Steve wouldn't be surprised if Hatgrove had dropped it soon enough.  
Nothing seemed ever really to get to Hargrive. Yes the guy was easily offended and had a major anger managing issue, but that was more part of his character then anything.  
Maybe Hargrove wouldn't show up and they both would be banned from the team.

The faint sound of his doorbell brought him back to reality. Hopefully that was Hargrove and Steve had a chance to stay in the basketball team a littel longer. The one thing in school he was actually good at.

As soon as he opened the door, Steve suspected that wouldn't go nice and easy.

,,Took you long enough."snapped Hargrove and just walked straight in. Really nice to meet you too, thought Steve drily. The guy didn't seemed to know the meaning of polite.

Sighing Steve followed Hargrove and they went to the living room.

,,So with what do you want to start?"asked Hargrove and cought Steve's attention again.  
There he stood, the guy that beat him up not so long ago as if nothing had happened.  
But Steve wouldn't admit to this guy how confusing, scary and upsetting that meeting had been. If he ever did, he was sure Hargrove would get a good laugh out of it and just walk away.

,,I don't know, what is the last thing you understood?"asked Billy back and sat down. Of curse he didn't asked and then he looked at Stece like he really was expecting an answer.

,,I don't think I ever really understood anything."admitted Steve and it felt good. Finally he had said it out aloud and it felt right, he knew it was right. Everyone or at least almost everyone seemed to get at least some things from chemistry. Steve didn't seemed to understand even one littel thing.

,,Nothing? Not at least one littel thing?"asked Billy and he seemed really supriesd. His blue eyes looked at Steve in total suprise.

,,No."

..............

Billy had never thought it was possible to sit in a class and pay attention for a while years and didn't understand even one thing. But apparently he was wrong. Because Steve was lost, really lost. It was like taking to someone who had never attended a chemistry class or at least it felt like it

They didn't talked unless it was necessary to explain somethingh or unless Harrington felt the need to ask a question. Theresimlpy was no time for it. The next test wasn't far way and Harrington seemed like a lost case.

,,I don't get it."muttered Harrington for what seemed like the thousands time. And Billy couldn't hold it in any longer it was just too much, he sighed exhausted. How could he still not get it?  
Was this even possibly? How could it be possibly?  
And even more important, how often would Billy have to explain it again?

Hearing his sigh Harrintin turned around and glanced at him.  
,,It is easy for you to find me stupid, you just get it."acussed Harrington him. That was just ridiculous.

,,No I don't just get it, I learn. You might be supriesd but I actually learn a lot. I am not just some dumb jock, his doesn't can figure out what two plus two is. I am smart and I work hard to be smart."snapped Billy back.

Knowing it wouldn't be received good, but he couldn't help it. Somethingh in him just snapped and he wanted to tell this rich and spoiled kid, that he wasn't just trash. He was more and he tried to be more. Damn t he learned and he had earned it to be smart.

,,So, you mean I don't learn? That I'm just lazy? I'll tell you somethingh, I am not lazy. I learn and I try so damn hard, but some of us just don't get it. Sure if you had asked me before Namcy you would have been right, but now? I try and I am a better person now!"snapped Harrinton and looked him right in the eyes.

,,And this isn't even everything! You know what Billy? I am maybe the dumb one here and you are the smart one, but in the end you are dumb too. I can tell you some things. Tommy is not your friend, not really. And everyone knows you deserve to go to jail and worse! Because you are mean and the big school bully! Grow up Billy, to be an ass will get you oy so far. Yes you have the grades, but I have friends. You are alone and you will be alone forever. Maybe that mysterious James us a friend of yours. But you know what? At some point he will realise who you are. He will see that you were the badass and bad boy mask and that beneath isn't a good core. You are evil trough and trough and you are heading down the wrong path. Your soul is dark and twisted and James will leave you when he realises this."that were the last words Billy heared.

He didn't knew if there were any more words coming out of Harringtons mouth. For him the world shrank until it was just the two of them. Then he snapped, went crazy. How ever you put it, it were awful things Harrington said, but Billy did somethingh even more awful. With all his suppressed anger, hate and fear breaking free he punched Harrinton right into the jaw.

He didn't knew who was more surprised, he or Harrinton. Probably it was even him, because Harringron saw the punch and Billy only realised what he did, when he actually punched him.

While Harrington stumbled back and looked in white and confusion at him. Billy was consumed himself and felt broken.  
He had punched someone before, but this was diffrent. It had been like acting on instinct and it seemed like his first instinct was to punch. To hurt.

Then he left. It all seemed so unreal and he couldn't imagine the consequences. Couldn't imagine what his father would say and what he would do....  
He didn't wanted to.so he left, ran away. As soon as he was outside he went straight to the car and drove away.  
He didn't even had a destination or somethingh, he just drove and hoped he wouldn't have to deal for it a few more hours.  
While he drove reality settled in. He had just punched someone hard, again. It wasn't even the first time he did it. But what would happen now?

.........

Steve had gained control over himself again and dialed a number in the phone. He wasn't sure what happened, he just knew he was angry and Hopper was right after all.  
He shouldn't let Hargrove get way with this, not again. Hargrove had had his chance, now it was time for consequences.  
Now he would try Hoppers way.

,,Steve, what can I do for you?"asked Hopper and his warm voice seemed to ease the pain. Hopper would know what to do. He always seemed to know what to do.

,,I want to press charges."replied Steve confident even trough he slurred a littel bit, because his jaw hurt so much. But that just made him sure that thus was the right thing to do.  
Maybe Hargrove would learn from this too. After all then he would have to deal with it instead of just running away all the time from his mistakes.

,,What? It is a littel late to do so...."replied Hopper supriesd and sad. He had always wanted Steve to press charges.

,,He just did it again. I mean I provoked him, but can I maybe still press charges for both?"asked Steve hopfully. If he did press charges he wanted to do it right.

,,I think so."replied Hopper slowly ,,stag at your house I'll come and get you."


	7. Chapter 7

In the end he went back home, because there was nowhere else he could go. Plus he figured if somethingh hapoend and Harrigton pressed charges they would go there and maybe he could hide it from his father...... highly unlikely,but he would try.  
Suprisinlgyl Neil was in a very good mood and didn't bothered Billy much, even less then the average. He didn't seem to notice how nervous Billy was.  
Thanks for this.

His Hope's rose as the hours went bye and nobody came. Maybe he would get away again, maybe there would be no police in this house and Neil would never hear anything from it.

He was wrong. So deeply wrong, but he didn't knew it and maybe it was better this way. At least he had this small moment of hope.

.........

Again, there was this strange silence. As if Billy had swallowed his tongue without choking and just didn't talked anymore. It was weird, really weird.  
The more time past the more confused Max got.  
Nobody asked Billy, Neil didn't seemed to care what his son did most of the time unless it had to do with school or how he messed up.  
And her mother.... she seemed to ignore Billy as much as possible, especially when Neil yelled at him again.  
It seemed like she dealt with promlbes by ignoring then.

While the hours went by Max focused on Billy, but he didn't even noticed. Weird. Normally he would tell her to stare at someone else, but he didn't. He was completely lost in thoughts.

Only when the doorbell rang Billy showed some emotions as oh he knew who was ringing the doorbell. Within a second her older stepbrother tensed and fir a moment fear flickered over his face. A moment later he showed a calm mask trying to look nothing but his usual self, but it didn't worked now that Max knew what was behind it.

...

The moment Max saw the police she knew Billy was in deep shit. Of course he had fucked up and his father had yelled at him, but this was a while new level.  
She could see the fear on his face again and in his blue eyes which looked pleading. She had seen many things in his blue eyes, mostcof the time they seemed to be nothing but blue, without any emotion behind them.  
Just soulless deep pools of water in which you could drown.

  
Then there were times when his eyes seemed to show the wild and changing side of the ocean. That where the times he was angry and insane, like the time he beat up Steve.  
That was it, soulless or a dangerous, angry Billy. More she hadn't seen of him yet.

Neil had different expressions too, the whole evening he had been happy and suprisingly nice, even too Billy. As least as nice he ever got, which when coming to Billy was ignoring him. It suprised Max again and again how broken and difficult their relationship was.

But when Neil opened the door and saw how was outside his expression changed. It went to the polite and nice Neil, but in his eyes Max could see the truth, he was furious.

She hated that expression, because he would yell at Billy as soon as they were alone again. Often enough she was sent to her room while Beil talked at her older stepbrother and told him how exactly he had fucked up. It made her uncomfortable to listen to Neil doing this and really scary was it when it went silent or they waited for her to leave the house.

Sometimes she had the feeling that she missed something major what happened around her. It was right around her, all the time but she just didn't seem to be able to figure it out. But she knew it was the reason, that got Billy to grow silent around Neil. As they started talking and she could see Neil getting more angry and embarrassed, she grew more curious.

Suddenly she stood up and went closer. To her suprise it was Hopper, so it must be important and not just an unpaid parking ticket. But she never heard what they said because her mother grabbed her arm and stopped her.

Susan even tried to get her go upstairs, but she refused. God, she hated how her mother always tried to protect her all the time. While all this happend Billy had gone white as a sheet and went to the door, after Neil called him. Right now the dear in his eyes became an downright panic. He really must be in some serious shit.

...............

As soon as the door closed again and the police had left Neil turned around to Billy.

,,How could you do something that stupid? Have you really learned nothing? Respect and responsibility, is it really that difficult?"growled Neil and pushed Billy back.

His son seemed to try and become invisible, but it didn't worked. Never once had Max seen such blind panic in someone's face, not even when they had to face the upside down.

,,I am sorry, but I thought...."started Billy to make am excuse. His voice sounded weak and defensive and pathetic. But before Billy could finish his sentence Neil slspped him.

And Max couldn't suprise a suprised Yelp. How could he slap his own son? He was his father, sure Billy wasn't easy.... But he was his son, his own flesh and blood.

But that wasn't the worst. The worst was the look on Billy's face, the look of resignation, hurt and pain. But there wasn't any suprise, it was the first time she began to realize it. There was nothing in Billy's eyes that seemed suprised. He was like a beaten dog that knew nothing but pain and couldn't imagine another life.

,,Go and get her upstairs."ordered Neil. At first she didn't git the meaning. And she didn't got why nobody said anything, why didn't they talked about the fact that Neil just had slapped his own son? But when Susan took her by her arm she began to understand.

This wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. And right then for a short moment Max understood how it worked here. She understood why Billy seemed so quit and small around Neil. Why he seemed to become....less.

It was because it wasn't in Max's imagination it was real. Neil made Billy less, took what made him an human being with wishes and dreams and turned him in another man that would hit his children.

He took somethingh from Billy, his own will and strength and gave nothing back but a hole. And right then she could only think how it would end, how Billy would continue to supress his anger around Neil and then take it out on others. It would be like an circle, an awful circel of violent.

As her mother dragged her upstairs Max couldn't imagine how it was to be Billy and she didn't wanted to know. It was maybe awful to think, but Max hoped that this would never happen to her, that this was a thing that Billy would suffer trough but never her.

....................

Neil had never done this before. Never once did he slap Billy in front of Max, most of the times he even waited until Max was away before he raised his voice. Normally Max was the kid that shouldn't see or hear anything from this. It was like a secret that was hidden from her, because she was to young.

But what now?

Would, because of this incident the rules change? Billy hoped that wouldn't because the rules never changed to the better they always got worse. As Neil turned back to him he knew this was the beginning if a whole new set of rules, because now Max knew. That Susan knew had never been important, she was a grown up woman and even his own mother had known what Beil did. But now that Max knew there would be no waiting for her to leave the room or the house.

His punishment wouldn't wait. His father would just start it at the first possible time. As he looked in the brown eyes of his father Billy felt like he had been just doomed to go to hell. Until he turned eighteen this would be his life. His own personal hell with Neil always around and no one in this household anymore which stopped him.

No breaks and no withholding. There wouldn't be any reason to leave the bruises only on not visible places. There was no reason to lower the level if noises. There was no reason to hold back.

Billy felt like the could look into the future and see what was coming and he didn't liked what he saw and felt. Slowly the fear he always tried to supress came up and felt his heart and seemed to inhabit every single muscle, organ, bone, skin and hair of his body. He just froze and knew this was so incredible bad.

If ther was one rule above all, it was to respect the law, at least Billy should respect it. And this rule resulted into another rule :never bring the police back home. As far as Neil knew this was the first time the police got involved with Billy. And the first time to brake a rule was always bad and to break this rule.....

The walls which made Billy number and helped him to suffer trough the punishment crumbled. Slowly his self protecting shields collapsed and it was just to much. It all came back. The question why he had to suffer trough this and why Neil did it. What had he done to deserve this? Why didn't anyone else? Why always him? And why did never anybody seemed to care? Why did his mother left and took everything.....everything but him?

Part by part it came back. The ugly realisation from back then, that now he had to take it all. Because with his mother around thre were two persons for Neil to hit. But she left and Billy stayed. He had to take it all and he hated her for it. For being free and getting rid of Neil and leaving him behind.

,,Please."

it got out of Billy without thinking, but right then he would have begged if it had changed Neil's mind. Billy always never begged, because it never triggers anything good in Neil. It only angered him. This time Neil didn't even bothered with a reply he just tilted his head and smiled.

In this moment Billy seemed to feel his heart shatter in fear. Another moment he wanted to forget desperately, but he knew he would never. Even if he ever got eighty he would remeber this as clear as if it happened yesterday.

As most of the times Neil slapped him again and again. It wasn't going to be easy this time, but then again it never was. As the slaps turned into hits and punches Billy felt like he was drowning. Around him the world seemed to grow dark and the only feeling he had left was the pain. His breath got cought into his chest and he felt like even trough his chest moved up and down he couldn't breath. As if there was no oxygen left and even trough air felt his lungs he couldn't actually breath.

................

The moment her mother got her in her room she actually said something. For a short moment it had seemed to Max like it must be impossible to speak. Because if her mother could speak she would have said somethingh, wouldn't she? She would have told the police would have helped Billy? She would have.........but she didn't.

,,Be quit Max." And that was it. No explanation, no I will call the police ot this is a one time thing. Nothing. This was reality and Max had to deal with this on her own. Alone.

There were so may questions she had and so many things she wanted to say, but she was quite and swallowed her words.  
Because she felt like they wouldn't change anything and because she was afraid.   
Deep inside her she felt powerless and to young and small to deal with this. She didn't wanted to be the one who did something against thus. She wanted someone else to take the lead someone who seemed fearless. Someone how never seemed to he quit or respect the rules. Someone like .....Billy.

And the the noises started.   
Nothing in her life had ever been so awful. To her this noises and knowing that she couldn't do anything.... that there wasn't a way to help Billy....  
She could hear ever slap and punch and she felt sorry. Sorry for every time she was late or fit Billy somhow in trouble.  
Every time she got him slapped.  
And right then she felt incredibly guilty.  
Because she may not hurt him herself but she was guilty. Partly she as responsible for ever pain Neil caused Billy right now.  
If she had gone with him that day, that day where Billy and Steve got into the big fight.   
Would it be diffrent now, would they eat and nothing would have happened.

Had she made Billy's life worse?  
Or would Neil have found another reason?  
Maybe not today, but the next day and would he beaten his son up then? Or had she made Billy's life even more miserable?

Every sound made her more sick and she closed her eyes, but she couldn't cover her ears. It felt like she would betray Billy with it. It was like she had to hear everything to suffer at least a littel bit for what she had done.

..........

As the beating got worse Billy started to wonder what it meant for Max. Neil would never beat her or would he? A part of him wished that he maybe would start beating her too and Billy wouldn't be blamed for her failures. But that part was wrong told Billy himself. That part was crazy and insane.

Trying to ease the pain Billy told himself that it would be soon over. That there would he time outside if this house and there would be always school and weekends at partys.

Suddenly the beating stopped. Maybe because he was now down, lying on the fool. Maybe it was over now..... Hope lit in Billy's chest. His lungs suddenly seemed to know how to breathe again and he exhaled.

Then another sound came to his ears. A sound he knew so well and hated so much. It was the sound Neil's belt made. Suddenly Billy wanted to beg again, wanted to beg, to cry and sob.  
But he couldn't.   
It would only make the beating worse and longer.

So he kept still, lay there silent, lungs aching and eyes closed and hoping it would be over soon. But even trough he tried to be silent it was like the sound wanted to come out. It was like drowning and at some point you just can't fight the urge to breath even trough you know there us only water around you.  
That was what he felt when the sounds of pain escaped his lips.

..............

For a moment Max thought it was over and she exhaled and it felt like an weight had been lifted from her shoulders. But then a strange sound came to her ears. And it started again.

A tear escaped her eyes and she tensed again. Slowly she realised that this must be another part of the beating and it hadn't gotten better, it got worse.   
The sounds that reached her weren't not any longer only the hitting and punching, it were noises from Billy. He sounded utterly terrified.

For a short moment she wanted to grab her walkie talkie and tell the party. She wanted to tell them everything and she wanted them to call the police. She wanted Neil to go to jail.  
She didn't wanted to see Billy getting hurt like this and getting broken like this.

With this plan she stood up and looked around. She searched everywhere and slowly she realised that it wasn't in her room.  
She was now truly powerless and helpless.  
Again a tear escaped her eyes.

..................

The world seemed to get swallowed from the pain. Everything Billy seemed to feel was pain. The pain of his lungs breathing, the pain of the bruises and cuts. The pain was all that existed for him, it seemed.  
And right then Billy dusted wished for it to stop hurting. It didn't mattered how it stopped.  
Losing conscious, dying or drugs. As long as it made it stop Billy would do or take it.

...................

What should she do?  
What would a good person do, what was the right thing to do and how should she do it?  
In this moment Max felt far to young for the real world.

As the sounds didn't stopped even trough it seemed like the arriving of the police was hours ago, Max began to fear the worst.  
Was Neil breaking Billy's bones?  
Did he beat him unconscious?  
Or did he even killed him?  
Was Billy lying there, not moving, not doing anything and not breathing, because he was death.  
Would Neil realise it after he calmed down and sould just get rid of the body?  
Was he murdering right now upstairs his own son?

................

When the drak numbing feeling came, Billy didn't tried to fight it.  
Fuck the world , fuck the school, fuck his father and fuck James.  
Whatever this was losing consciousness or dying.  
As long as it didn't hurt Billy wanted it.  
Wanted it with everything he had and was and possibly could have or be.

............

Eneternity seemed to settle down while Max listened to the sounds of a father bearing his own son or killing his own son.   
Slowly she felt calmer and began to think. She wasn't someone to back down and she wouldn't be a bystander.  
She didn't knew how and when or anything at all. But she one thing for sure.  
She couldn't take this.  
Trying to get the police to believe her and lock Neil away would be maybe hard, but she would try.  
Because hearing this.... hearing the noises that came from causing someone such pain, beating up your own child.  
She knew she couldn't hear them again.

..............

As Billy felt like he slipped into the dark and left the pain behind he felt incredibly weighed down. It felt like his life tried to crush him down with its weigh.  
Right then he regretted the fact that he would probably awake the next day and would have to deal with it again and again and again.  
He ran into the darkness and hoped he never, ever would have to come back.

..........

Knowing she had a plan Max exhaked again and tried to think of more things to do. She would need Billy's help, after all he was the one who got beaten up. So he would surely appreciate her help.  
As the sounds interrupted her thoughts she sobbed.  
Even trhough she had a plan she knew that right now it wouldn't help.  
Everything could happen downstairs right now.  
And she couldn't do a damn thing.

..........

Dark.  
Numb.  
That was all he felt.  
And then.  
Nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

At some point the noises must have stopped, but Max didn't knew when or how. She only knew that she had slept, even trough she had slept badly and even for that she had felt guilty.  
Had Billy slept?  
Or did he lay down the and would never sleep again?

After all the noises of the last night, the house seemed to be incredibly quit right now. For her liking it was much to quit. She wished she could hear Billy, could her him yelling or playing music to loud or really doing anything. As long as it was a sign he lived or wasn't lifetreathing hurt she wanted to hear it.  
She wanted to hear him being good.  
Even trough beeing good was a relatively thing after getting beaten up by your own father.

For some time she had tried to get out of her room, quitly of course but it didn't worked and she was still in here. There could be lying a dead Billy down there for all she knew. Hell anything could have happened for as far as she knew.

For a short moment she wanted to yell to asked her mother to unlock the door, but on second thought it seemed incredibly stupid. What If Neil wasn't finished yet and was looking for his next victim right now?

................

The first thing he felt was pain and he had to hold back a groan. Slowly step by step Billy became aware of the cold and hard surface he was lying on.  
It wasn't a pleasant awaking, but what other was to be expected?  
A part of him was suprised that he even had woken up.  
He had been almost sure that this was it. That this was the day, the evening Neil would finally do it.  
After all the police had come to the house and that Billy still lived, was kind of an miracle.  
Of course, out there were thousand children which never had to fear this, at least not from the only parents.  
But maybe one day the would have such a bitter awaking too, even trough not the same, but similar.  
Deep down he hoped not.  
The Bitterness about what happened left a sour taste, or maybe it was the taste if his own blood.

Opening his eyes he looked around, making sure that he really was living and this wasn't just some fucked up afterlife. Again he was supriese when he was greeted from the familiar sight of the kitchen.  
Still he had thought that he maybe was dead, but it felt like it had been a tight thing. Maybe he would die from the wounds with time given.  
But right now he knew he had to get up.  
Neil surely wouldn't want to find his son lying around useless and bleeding on the floor.  
In his mind he could hear the upcoming speech about 'respect and responsibility".  
Before he had to listen to such a shit speech again, Billy would rather dy. Grimacing and cursing began Billy to move and tried not to cry out in pain.  
Did he have broken bones?  
He wasn't sure, because everything hurt and he wasn't sure what hurt more.

...........

Downstairs somethingh was happening.  
Max had almost missed it, because it where such faint and weak sounds but standing quietly and trying to listen she heard it.  
But who was it?  
Was it Neil maybe dragging a broken or dead Billy out?  
Hopefully not.  
She didn't liked her stepbrother, but she didn't wanted him to die.

Or at least she didn't wanted him to die anymore, there were times, when she thought that life without Billy would be just easier. Right now she felt awful for thinking this.

...........

When he finally stood it hurt like hell. His rips seemed to scream at him and his stomach hurt from the kicks, his face probably looked like an abstract painting. In addition to this his backs seemed to try to win a screaming match with the rips, even his legs hurt.  
But he got up and stood, that was good. Nothing important was broken then, maybe a rip (Billy wasn'tsure how much they were hurt ). Maybe they were just cracked.  
Breathing in slowly, even trough it stung he stood there, hoping the pain would maybe faint a littel bit.  
But after he realised this wouldn't happen soon, he knew he had to do something.  
Had to get away before Neil came back and finish it for good this time.  
(But would this really be so bad? After all the pain would stop then)  
Still he got up and walked.  
Walked even trough he had to grind his teeth with every step and every breath seemed to set his lung on fire.  
It wasn't that Billy was good in dealing with pain or was embracing it.  
Pain wasn't an old friend, it was more like an colleague at work, which you couldn't avoid, even trough you tried it every day.  
But Billy knew that there was more pain coming if he didn't moved, so he moved.

............

The moment the noises came nearer Max knew who it was.  
She always could tell who was walking trough the house, because she knew how they walked.  
Neil always walked trough the houses like he owned it and owe it no one to be quit. If he was in the house you knew it most of the times, because he seemed to want you to know who was in charge.  
Every step was made in the purpose to show that he was the leader.  
You could hear the sound of his work boots from far away.  
Her own mother walked in a more quiet way, as if she was trying not to disturb anyone. But you could hear her still, always doing some chores going to work even trough it was always a faint sound.  
Then there was Billy, he had two ways of walking around. As most things with Billy they depend on whether Neil was home or not.  
If Neil wasn't home, Billy would walk angry and loud trough the house, most of the time it felt like he wanted to show them all, that he was there. He slammed doors, played loud music and talked loud.  
But if Neil was around it was like Neil took the sound and noises for himself and left nothing for Billy. There would be no loud music, no loud talking and no slammed doors.

And that us how she knew it must be Billy. Because Neil wouldn't care if anyone was asleep and he was waking them up.  
But Billy had to, around Neil he was always careful, as if he was sitting on a branch of a tree and Neil had an axe, always ready to saw Billy's branch.

This time the noises were particular faint, almost weak, Billy must be really hurt.  
But at least he was alive.

...............

Lucky enough that today was the start of the weekend and the next day would be free from school too.  
That made it easier to hide the bruises a littel bit and find an explanation for the ones he couldn't hide.

Sighing collapsed Billy on the bed and closed his eyes. In that moment decided Billy that he wouldn't move anytime soon.  
It was just too much.  
His lungs still seemed to be on fire with every breath and he felt like an car rolled over him.  
Trying his best not to move lay Billy there and tried to calm down and forget everything that happened after the police arrived.  
Now he wished himself back to the darkness and numbness of the time he was unconscious ness.  
But sadly there was no going back.

.............

Eating breakfast without Billy was weird. It wasn't because he normally talked so much at breakfast, he didn't. But because nobody talked about it, it was like the two adults in this house denied to acknowledge Billy existence.  
And it made Max angry beyond everything.  
Not even denied they to acknowledge that Billy was missing, they didn't talked about what a monster Beil was!  
The fact that her mother joined Neil in ignoring Billy's stung.  
Because Max knew that her mother knew better than to hit children, but she let it happen to Billy.  
It was like she didn't cared!  
While the silence continued Max anger rose and rose,until she couldn't hold it in, anymore.

,,Where is Billy?"asked Max and looking directly in Neil's face. 

If he knew what she was going at, he didn't showed it. Clam and disciplined looked Neil at her, at the same time Max felt like she was looking at a monster worse, then demorgens. Because at least demorgens looked like monsters, but there was no hint of Neils character in the way he looked or acted most if the time.  
Only sometimes it seemed like he let the real him on the surface and last night Max caught a glimpse of him.

,,I don't know probably sleeping of a hangover."replied Neil without any sign of guilt.  
Without any sign of what he had done.  
And how could he blame Billy's obscene on Billy.

,,Really, but he was all evening and night here, how could he possibly have drunken even a single drop."argued Max back.  
She hated how they sat there, all knowing the truth, but not one of them talked about it.  
They all acted like it was a secret and the others didn't knew, but they did knew!  
Even Max herself seemed to lack the courage to talk about it, it just seemed like the silence of the two adults dragged her down with them.

,,Maybe he has some bottles in his room."answered Neil smoothly without any hesitation.  
Meeting her glance and starring her down looked Bril directly in her face.  
And Susan....her mother did nothing.

,,Mom, you know that Billy would never do such a thing, don't you?"asked Max hoping for some backup.  
But her mother looked first at Neil and than at her with an uncomfortable look as if she would be anywhere but here.  
Then she looked back at Max with an sad expression.

,,It isn't our business to question how Neil raises his son."answered Susan and looked Max in the eyes.  
It felt like her mother was shattering her heart.  
For a long time she had know that her mother wasn't perfect, but she had always thought that her mother was good.

,,Your mother is right Maxine. So why don't we just finish our breakfast?"asked Neil smiling softly.  
Right now Max knew that Neil had one this battle, but she would win the war.  
There were others out there, people who cared.

...............

The first thing Bill did this morning after getting into his bed was waiting.  
He heard Susan unlock Max's door and he heard them all assemble for breakfast.  
Luckily nobody seemed to miss him and come and get him.  
There was no way Billy would have been able to sit trough the whole breakfast.  
But at the same time it felt like they didn't wanted him around them, like he wasn't really a part of the family.  
As if they were a happy family without him and he was just an unwanted addition.  
This thought ledt a bitter taste in Billy's mouth.  
Maybe they would be happier when he was gone and would even celebrate it.

But knowing these thoughts wouldn't making it any easier to bear, Billy started to concentrate on the good aspects.  
Without going down to breakfast waiting for Neil and Susan to leave was easy.  
And they would leave, they had to work often and long to afford this house, as Neil always pointed out.  
That was a good thing found Billy, because it meant more time without Neil.

......... 

The moment Neil and Susan left for work, she felt both lonely and free.

Because Max knew it must be wrong, even trough they both had acted as if it all was Billy's fault.  
For a moment hesitated Max and thought it over.  
What was she doing?  
Would Billy even want her help?  
No, he wouldn't he was like an animal that saw it as an weakness to admit the need for help.  
Because he feared that if he should weakness he would be left behind.  
Kind of like a dog that doesn't admits it pain to the pac, because it fears what will happen then.  
But still.....  
Deep down in her bones Max knew she had to di something or she would be like Susan.  
Not actually hitting Billy, but acting like it was something he deserved.  
If she didn't acted against it, she did by doing nothing, agree with it.  
Not acting against it meant to support it.  
She would help hit Billy and keep it a secret.  
Even trough he was an asshole.  
No one deserved it.

.............

The moment he saw Max he knew she wouldn't keep quite.  
Even trough that would be the safest way to play it.  
Billy knew because he had tried the way she was heading down. He had seen the disinterest in the eyes of the police and the disbelief.  
Later Neil heard of it and everything went to hell. Instead of getting away from Neil, Billy got an extra beating.  
Some long dead part of him admired her. But mostly he knew it was stupid.  
Everyone had his or her own battles to fight in life. You don't help someone else with their battle unless they give you somethingh in exchange.  
Billy knew it because he lived it.  
He couldn't help his mom enough, so she left. Left him because it wasn't her battle anymore and Billy had nothing to give her.  
Like his mom most woman just left Neil, even trough Billy gave them his best pleading eyes. Often enough wished Billy tgey would have done somethingh.  
Anything.   
Because they were grown and the police would believe them.  
But they didn't.  
They came and went without doing somethingh.  
Now he must be a faint memory in the background of their mind. Maybe even long forgotten.  
For them he wasn't more than a warning sign in a relationship, with bruises on his face.  
For him they had been hope.  
But he had lost hope the moment Susan stayed knowing what Neil did and did nothing.  
All the other womans had at least the decency to not bring more children in range of Neil. But Susan did, she brought her child willingly to a man who beats his own son.  
Billy knew she knew better then this, so why did she this?  
Looking at Max and her determined face, Billy knew he had to get her on another way to deal with this.  
Because maybe it would hurt less to never have hope instead of losing it slowly.  
Like Billy had.  
Some days the hope flickers up again, for example days when Neil hadn't hit him for a longer time.  
But Neil always hit him in the end.

,,Don't."said Billy looking at Max.   
He had only come upstairs after he was sure that Beil and Susan were gone for good.  
When he had looked at Max Bily knew he mist look bad, because she looked horrified.

,,What?"asked Max suprised and added ,,I haven't said anything."

,,But you want to shitbird. So don't. It isn't your amn battle, so walk away."snapped Billy. As always after a fight with his father was Billy easier to anger and more trouble.  
It was like his father brought the anger to the surface.

...... .......

,,It is my battle too."snapped Max back.  
How could he just say it like this,like she should llook away.   
As If it was right to look away when a parent hit their children.  
But it wasn't.

,,I am part of the family too. What if he will hit me too one day? Is it my battle then?"growled Max. Because that was a reason too to report it. She couldn't imagine what it was like and she didn't wanted too.  
But in the moment she said it how wrong it sounded and how selfish it was too say.

..........

,,So this is why you want to do something about this? You think involve someone, because in the future I could get hurt too?   
Listen shitbird and listen damn closely!   
He will never hit you.  
So leave me the hell alone."shouted Billy and stamped right out of the room.   
The screaming hurt his lungs and for a moment the world went black and the world started spinning. But he soon enough for catch himself it got better.

At least thought Billy grimly he hadn't to worry that Max would do something stupid for him.  
If she got hurt it was because of her own selfish reasons.  
Walking like the devil was behind him went Billy away.  
He couldn't use the Cameron in his state, even he wouldn't do it. Plus he didn't had the keys and Neil would surely never let them ly around.  
After a fight unless it was to drive Max, Billy wasn't aloud driving.  
Everything in him wanted to leave.  
Leave Neil, leave this house, leave Hawkins, leave Indian.  
And then back to California.  
And never back to Gawkins.  
He wanted to go so desperately.  
Wanted to go go go go go go.  
And never ever come back.  
Never.  
It felt so deeply wrong to be here.  
So far away from the ocean, si far away from the beach, so fa away from surfing.  
So far away from James.

God, it felt like everything was wrong.  
Not only did he have to bear to be away from California, his only home.  
He had to be away from James too.  
He missed so much.  
Missed the warm sun, the warm water and the feeling of it and surfing on it. Missed his it felt to swim and swim and be one with the see.  
Even more missed Billy the warmth of James, missed his hugs, missed his kisses and his smile.  
The sheer feeling of James was somethingh Billy longed for.

...........

Never once had Max felt so awful.  
How could she?  
Billy had to endure it day after day, year to year and she just blew a chance to help him.  
Only thinking of herself blowing everything had Max talked and destroyed so every chance of Billy acting against it.


	9. Chapter 9

Hawkins was damn fucking cold.  
While the sun had shone at least a littel bit at the day and it hadn't rained it hadn't gotten that warm.  
At night it seemed to go near the point of water freezing.  
Damn fucking freaking cold Hawkins.  
Why couldn't it be warm?  
But of course it was cold.  
Why being a warm and nice littel city if instead of this could be a fucking cold and unfriendly city?

After leaving the house Billy didn't went back. He just couldn't it was to frightening to go back right now.  
Every time he tried to even think about it all of the previous evening came back and the pain didn't help.  
Ever breath reminded him with pain of what could happen at the house.  
It was unlikely that there would be another bestong, but it did happen and Beil would be angry still.  
The thought of going back made Billy's heart go faster and seemed to make breathing harder.

,,I can't."muttered Billy to himself.  
And he thought : I can't, I can't. I am not able to do this. I can't bear this any longer.  
Even a tear escaped Billy's eye. The first since a long time, at least it felt like this.  
Billy just broke down and sat down on the cold ground.

After leaving the house wandering around in the littel village he had come here.  
The quarry.  
He had needed at place were no one was at this time and he was alone.  
He knew no one would search for him and no one would miss him.  
As long bo one came any where near here he would save from company.  
But not save from himself and his thoughts.

Right now he felt like jumping from the edge of the quarry was the best thing to do.  
Just jumping.  
No worry anymore.  
No beatings.  
No Neil.  
Getting up Billy stood up and walked to the edge, he was shaking.  
Tears rolling down his cheeks and standing up straight looked Billy down.

He saw down and saw darkness.  
It was a long way down and if the fall wouldn't kill him it would be only a matter of time until he died down there, with his legs broken and no one looking for him.  
But right now he only saw darkness.  
And darkness meant that down the could be numbness.  
Maybe after death three is no afterlife.  
Maybe jumping would mean that there would be no Billy anymore or ever again.  
But not existing meant no pain.  
No posing was everything he had wanted for a long time.  
Not happiness, children or a good carer was somethingh he was hoping for only pain free.  
Only one littel thing, only the appceance of one thingh.  
If he was dead there was nobody to call him a faggot, no one to say that what he was was wrong.  
Nobody trying to beat him until he couldn't walk anymore.  
Down there was nothing.

Jumping didn't meant to be not afraid realised.  
It just meant the alternative was to awful.  
And the alternative was Neil.  
Billy took a step forward.

............... 

Billy never came back.  
It was like a punch into the guts.

At first Max wasn't really worried after all she thought he would come back in a short amount of time.  
He just needed to cool down and then he would come back, assured Max herself.  
No need to worry.  
But hours passed and Max began to worry, because Billy was hurt and what if he had internal bleeding or a head injury?  
Could he lay somewhere dying silently and no one was around to help.  
Or worse he laying somewhere and people walked by not doing anything, because he was Billy.  
Billy the punk, the troublemaker.  
Billy the bully.

Max tried to push these horrifying imagined out of her head, but it didn't worked.  
After she had found her walkie talkie she sat down and looked at it hoping to know what do.  
But she didn't.  
Billy didn't wanted anyone to find out.  
And wasn't it his right to demand that it stayed a secret?  
But he could die.....  
He was an asshole, a fuckip and a bully, even a treatment to her friends, but he deserved to life.  
She wanted him to live, to make it up to him what she had said.  
And she didn't wanted to be responsible for his death.  
Because if he died even trough she knew no one would say it, it would e her fault.  
She would have helped killing him, by doing nothing.

At first she waited and waited ....for Neil and Susan.  
They were still her mother and stepfather.  
Maybe they would care enough about Billy to at least not let him die.

,,He will come back when he gets hungry, until then he can stay out of this house for all I care."teloed Neil not even bothering to look up.

,,Mom?"asked Max horrofied.  
How could Neil care so less?  
How cod ge feel not guilty?

,,Sweetie it us not our place too..."began Susan siftly.  
Like always she was soft, gentle and decent.  
Doing what she thought was polite and appropriate.

,,No. You're wrong. Billy is my brother!  
What if he dies out there, we should start searching!  
That all is a lot of shit! You are his father and you beat him and then you let him waking aroun,probably dying! You can't even bother.. "exploded Max and snapped at Susan and Neil.  
The shocked on her mother's face was worth it.  
Neil's face didn't showed much emotion unless you counted anger and disgust.  
No suprise there.  
It seemed to shatter her heart to think that Bily onece had said something similar and had failed.

,,Go upstairs and get your head clear."ordered Susan.

And upstairs Max went,but not without her walkie talkie.  
It made her sick to think to remeber how Hily had said it wasn't her battle and he was right in some way.  
She would bet that if Billy had done this he would have gotten a beating.  
It made her sick to see this dirmfrrence in their life.  
They were walking diffrent paths and hers was so much easier in comparison it seemed.  
Hiw bitter must it have been for Billy to see her walking like this trough life, while he had it so hard.

But they wouldn't win. She wouldn't let them.  
Maybe they could make Billys life hard but she could help change it.  
It was dinner time when she was sent in her room but it took so much longer to get someone on the walkie talkie.  
She didn't knew what they all did, but no one answered the walkie talkie.

,,Hello?"asked Mqx all the time and added ,,Anyone there?"

But there was no answer. Damn them all, it was a matter of life and death!  
Hours went by and Max's hope began to fade away.  
Maybe it was to late now, maybe Billy was dead now, maybe he ......

Her voice began shaking and she felt herself faltering under the pressure of knowing a life was on stake and she couldn't do a damn thing.

,,Hello...please it is important."

No answer. No one was there, she was alone.  
It was just to much.

,,Hello? ......Hello?"

No answer still. How could they leave her alone now?

,,.It is Billy..... please....."

No answer. No one bothered to check the walkie talkies one ni a while. No one cared.

,,Hello?......Hello?"

,,Yes?"

An answer. Max could have cried because she was so happy.

,,Steve!"  
In this one name lay all her hope and all her reason for such. Steve was almost grown he had a car he was a good human being. He could help Billy.  
He could save Billy.

.... ....... 

,,Hey Max, what us up?"asked Steve worried. She sounded worried an really upset. Instantly felt Steve concered had Billy done this? Let his anger out on her? God that would be awful, bit even Billy wouldn't do something like this, would he? ,,It's Billy."began Max sobbing and Steve felt immediately furious. Hiw could ge? How could be someone so crazy that he hurt his pen sister? ,,What has he done?"demanded Steve worried sick. Punching him wasn't anywhere near as bad as punching one of his kids. They should be safe, Steve wanted to make sure they were safe and if Billy hurt them..... ,,He hasn't done anything."replied Max. That cought Steve suprised. ,,How he hasn't done anything?"asked Steve disbeliefing. If Billy hasn't done anything..... Then what was up? ,,Billy hasn't done anything but I think he is in trouble."added Max and she sounded.....worried? About Billy? Steve couldn't think of even one reason to worry about Billy, the guy was a damn manic. A lunatic and the was nothing in Hawkins which seemed to scare him. It was like Billy was the biggest predator in town and had no enemy's which dared to question him. ,,What do you mean with he is in trouble? You know that he is Billy, don't you? There is no one out there who would dare to trouble him."added Steve and he just didn't get it why Max was worried. Damn it she knew Billy best and Billy was Billy. Loud, angry, smoking and drinking never caring what rules he broke doing what he wanted. ,,It is just... please Steve.....ho and find him. He is out there and he is hurt."replied Max and she sounded so frightened. Concered about Billy, that must be some cruel joke. ,,You know that he is the one who punched me not the other way around, don't you? I don't owe him somethingh or anything at all. He owes me an apology."argued Steve still confused. And he didn't wanted to go out there and get punched again. Billy would be fine and he would make a laugh out of Steve. ,,Please go and at least search for him? If not for him, do it for me."added Max pleading. As if Steve could say no, if she really asked for his help. ,,I will go and find him."promised Steve. Even trough he was confused why exactly he was doing this. ,,Thanks."replied Max and she sounded so grateful that it warmed Steve heart and at the same time made him suspicious. What trouble had Billy gotten himself into?

He was Billy after all he practically searched for trouble all the time, but there was no trouble big enough in this town to really bother Billy.  
Or was it something from the upide down?  
Steve hoped not, that would incredibly suck.

Sighing Steve got up and then he got his keys.  
When he started the car the only thingh he could think was, that he was going out there to rescue the man who punched him.

..........

What would happen if he jumped?  
No one would care, Billy knew it. No one would care because he was an asshole, a jerk and a fuck up.  
Not even his father would care.  
Sure his father hit him, punched him, humiliated him and was so damn cold.  
But he was his father.  
There would be always a part of Billy that would want to please his father.  
Even trough his father would be never satisfied.  
Max wouldn't care about his dead, unless Neil would turn on her then.  
For a moment Billy froze, could he leave Max unprotected behind.  
Swallowing hard looking down thought Billy yes I can leave her behind, she has friends.  
Then there was James the guy he loved or at least it was damn near it.  
But hell.....if Neil found ever out that Billy hadn't stopped....James would be dead.

Looking gown there Billy thought do I really want to jump.  
If he jumped it would be a London wat down.  
While falling his heart would beat fast and at the end it would hurt.  
There was it darkness but Billy knew it would hurt at the end.  
One last shot of pain, before there would be never pain again.

............

While driving Steve thought about Hargrove and where he was. If he was a fucking psychopath were would he go?  
He had looked at the school first, even trough he suspected unless Billy had to go he would be never seen at the school.  
Bit that was were Steve gad seen him last and there he looked.  
Next was the arcade, no Billy again.  
After that, Steve drove too the cinema.  
Still no Billy.  
He even went to the few bars .  
Again no Billy.  
It was frustrating, what had Max thought when she sent him?  
How should he know where Billy would go?

Then it hit Steve, this must be some weird thing were you could figure out the solution with logic.  
So what did he knew?  
Billy must be hurt or Max wouldn't care to ask him to search for Billy.  
And Billy never showed weakness.  
Obviously Billy must be somewhere were no one would go at this time.  
The quarry.

.............

Standing there Billy looked down and the took a step back breathing out.  
It had been fucking close this night.  
But right now, this wasn't the way it would go down.  
There was still some fight left in him and if he did it, Neil had one.  
Then his father woul driven him...to kill himself.  
The father he still sometimes loved the father from which he still longed approval and he hoped would be ine day proud of him.  
Bit that would never happened, that was as sure as the sun would shine for a long time from now.  
Even troughton the sun would go in a few million years, Billy wouldn't live to it and he wouldn't live long enough to see his father getting soft.  
But so may be it.  
Billy would still live his life.  
He had to.  
He wasn't even sure why, maybe it was because it seemed to easy, to just leave and let it all behind. Maybe it was because of James, who would mourn him.

Maybe all of them above, maybe something entirely diffrent,but he couldn't do it, that was sure.  
In that moment the car came.  
Billy didn't moved hoping the driver would just drive by without noticing him.  
For a moment it looked like it.  
But again no luck.  
Suddenly the headlights of the car shone at him and Billy turned around completly confused.  
Who else would come at this place at this ungodly hour?

...........

Looking at Billy standing there he got why Max was concered.

The guy was about to jump.

Hitting the breaks and investing himself tried Steve to jump out of the car and looked at Billy again.  
The guy had turned around and looked at him without any suprise.  
His use eyes swallowing in and looking si damn cold and still as if they never showed emotions.  
As if they were made out of unmoiving ice.  
But that wasn't the one thingh that got Steve to suck his breath in.  
It was the blood and the bruises.  
Billy was a mess.  
Worse then Steve that day, it made him feeling silly for making a complain about a black eye.  
There was blood in hair turning it red and there was blood running down his temple.  
But as if this wasn't enough Billy looked like someone tried to kick his face in, over and over.

Getting out of the car Steve tried his best to not get an heart attack.  
Even trough he sure as hell didn't liked Billy he didn't wanted him to die in front of him either.  
,,Don't."demanded Steve as he got out of the car and stood before Billy.

,,What do you want Harringron, don't you see that I have business to do?"asked Billy and even trough he was standing there at the edge he sounded mocking.  
As if this was all part of a game Steve didn't understood.  
But it wasn't a game it was literally a matter of live and death.

.........

Watching Steve going pale was pretty amusing and at the same time frustrating.  
What damn right had Steve to say he shouldn't jump?  
It was Billys damn fucking decision after all!

,,Jut don't. I mean live can be a bitch sometimes, but what is with Max? She sent me put here to help you, do you know that?"

That really did suprise Billy. For a moment he nearly gut a fucking heart attack thinking that she had told Steve, bit no way Steve would be still so calm and still so normal.  
If Max had to him, Steve would freak out.  
And then the second conclusion hit him, Max had sent Steve to help him.  
Thinking it all over, Billy made his decision.

,,Can you give me a ride?"

...........

That cought Steve by suprise.  
A ride?  
Not the kind if thingh Steve wanted to do at thus time of the night or ever.  
But if he could make sure with offering a ride that Billy wouldn't jump....

,,Sure."answered Steve.

........

While they drove back, Billy could practically feel Steve eying him up and down and making his conclusions.  
It didn't bothered Billy much, he was mostly trying to find a position in which his back didn't hurt or at least less.  
But it didn't seemed possibly.  
Damn it.  
Breathing in and out Billy looked at Steve.  
The guy looked tired and sad, even uncomfortable. But that surely wasn't Billy's fault. ,,Do what were you doing out there?"asked Steve suddenly. ,,You know the usual stuff, thinking how pretty the forest is at night time. Embracing the could. You know that stuff."replied Billy casually. In a strange way it reminded him of the strange conversations after a beating. No one admitted too what happened, but no one reaybdenied it. No one talked about it, but they all knew it had happened. As Steve knew he had been about to jump. ........ ,,Don't try to fool me."growled Steve ,,I know you were going to jump or at least thinking about it. So tell me is it really that bad to be you?"asked Steve and it had an edge. Steve knew it. But he wanted for once an honest answer and maybe like thus Billy would give him one. Plus it triggered him that Billy just joked around like nothing had happened. Pkay, maybe nothing had happened, but that was this time, Steve couldn't start to look out for Blilly too. ....... ,,It is hard, you can believe me on this. But don't brake your littel head worrying about it, it isn't your problem."


	10. Chapter 10

,,Don't think you can just sneak back and everything is fine."the voice cut easily trough the sir and Billy froze.

,,I am sorry Sir. I didn't wanted to wake someone up."answered Billy seallowing the smart ass response and hoping that Neil wood leave it.  
Damn it Billy tried to be everything Neil wanted, couldn't it be for once enough?

,,Next time try to think more about coming home in time."ordered Neil him sounding almost bored.  
That was it.  
For once life seemed to be nice to him.

Sighing Bly started to go to the stairs, only wanting to go to bed for once.  
Sleep was all he wanted a littel time for him alone, a littel peace.

,,Were do you think you are going?"asked Neil suddenly.

,,To my room, Sir."answered Bly truthfully and freezing again.  
There would no beating again or would there be one?  
God, he couldn't take another one.  
For a short moment he thought of the quarry and what he could have done.  
But he didn't.

,,No that won't work, if you want to stay out, you can stay out, but you can't just crawl back."demanded Neil.

,,Sir?"asked Billy.

,,Get out of my house."

...................

No one spoke about the fact that Billy only just got in the house, even trough it was freezing cold out there.  
Again there was only...silence.  
Max hated it, hated the fact that even Billy didn't spoke up, said he didn't wanted to anger Neil.  
As if it was right what happened here.  
But it wasn't right and it never wod be.  
Looking around Max began to feel lonely.  
Susan seemed to be only interested in her food, not looking her daughter in the eyes as if she didn't dared too.  
She was a coward thought Max sadly.  
How could it be that her mother could leave her father but not this asshole?

,,What a nice day."said Max drily.  
Everyone looked at her with suprise.  
But what she really wanted was to look into Billy's eyes, these blue vulnerable eyes.  
The moment they locked each other on the eyes Biy slowly shoke his head.

,,Indeed what a nice day."answered Susan trying to lighten the mood.  
As if she could made the fact that Neil beat his son go away by smiling and keeping her mouth shut.

.............

The moment the Cameron entered the parking lot Steve looked over curios to see Billy.  
He wanted to know if what he remebered had been happened or was just a product of his imagination.

Stopping his walk toward the school Steve turned around and the moment he saw Billy he knew it had been real.  
Because Billy looked still like shit, bruises covering his face and for a few moments Steve thought he saw Billy limping.  
But that didn't stopped Billy from stepping out of the car with his usual arrogant attitude and looking at everyone, starring them down.  
His blue eyes seemed hurt, vulnerable and strong and wild at the same time.  
Billy's eyes were a shade of dark blue remembering Steve if the ocean after a hurricane.  
No not exactly after a hurricane, they looked like the ocean did, when the eye of the hurricane was right around you.  
You thought the storm was gone but in truth the second half was just coming.

Fir a second or maybe less their returned Billy his glance before Steve dropped his eyes.  
He didn't knew what it was, but there was somethingh ugly in Billy's eyes.  
A thingh he didn't understood and didn't wanted too, it seemed like there was somethingh under the surface of Billy's blue eyes.  
Hiding, but not for ever.

........

Exchanging looks with Steve was strange but Billy tried to not let it bother him.  
Even trough he felt on the edge after spending the night from Sunday to Saturday outside and a uncomfortable breakfast, dinner and lunch with his family.  
His skin seemed to hit and he himself felt like he had to much energy, but not the good one.  
It was like the time he had the fight at the Byers house with Steve.  
It was the same kind if feeling.  
Ugly, nasty and dangerous and kind of ....wild.

While Billy looked at the school he felt like trouble was waiting in there for him.  
But that was kind of usual.  
Returning every look that seemed to ask questions Billy walked trough the school.  
If he played it cool maybe no one would ask, but he wasn't actually sure.  
If someone asked he couldn't use the excuse of tripping down the stairs, it would have to be a better excuse.  
Maybe a fight in a bar.

..........

Max couldn't believe her stepbrother, yesterday he had said nothing to her and avoided her without any explanation.  
And today he ignored every attempt if her to speak, as if she wasn't trying to help him, but as if she was trying to help him.

While Lucas came, she tried to smile but it crumbled.  
His could she smile if she knew that Billy was limping trying to hide the pain, his own father caused him.  
Max didn't thought it was possible.  
At least not really.

,,Hey Max, we want to meet at Wills house today, you're in?"asked Lucas smiling broadly.  
It warmed Max's heart, Lucas was always kind. Sometimes it seemed to her that was just his nature, that he would turn into a soft and gentle man.  
W en trough he was now most of the time an annoying boy and...an stalker.

,,Sure, when will we meet?"asked Max not asking why they wanted to meet.  
It was obvious at last for her, it was about the upside down.

,,At dinner time?"asked Lucas.

,,Sure, I'll be there."

..............

The whole party would come so it would be about the upside down thought Joyce while she was coming back from work.  
But if she couldn't stop them, she could at last be around this time and make sure that she could inform Hopper at the right time.  
Plus Steve would probably stay around as usual, so the would be two responsible persons around.  
Maybe even Billy....she still didn't knew what to think of him, he was aggressive and a punk, but there was more she felt it, even trough she couldn't but her finger on it.

Walking around Joyce made sure that everything was prepared for the kids arrival.

..........

,,Don't let her out of your eyesight."

,,Yes Sir."answered Billy dutifully, but in reality that wasn't somethingh he wanted to do. There were so much better things to dom  
He had a life beside watching Max and she was old enough to be alone, damn it?

,,If you let her out of your sight..."the rest stayed unspoken but it didn't had to be spoken.  
Bily knew what would happen well enough, what always happened when Neiln was in this mood and Billy made an error.

,,No need to worry."replied Billy quitly.  
Feeling the emotion he hated most, he didn't exactly knew what it was, but it always seemed to put his heart into cringe and breathing harder.  
It made him feel so damn lonely and.....numb.  
As if Neil was taking the good emotions.

...............

Driving Max wasn't the actual Problem, that he would stay would be it.

,,I am sorry."said Max and it seemed honest.  
Billy hated it....the pity the empathy hated the way it made him feel warm for a second and left him even more empty back.

,,Don't be."replied Billy knowing what she was referring to.  
Looking around he realised they were early, they had a littel time before the littel group of Nerds would meet.  
A littel time to make some things clear.

,,There are a few rules to this game Max, remeber them.  
First, don't involve the police they will never believe this.  
Second, never get in Neil's way, he is my father, I will deal with him.  
Last one, you are never, do you listen Shitbrid you are never responsible for what he has.  
Never."empathized Billy and then he turned his head away.

,,But what is with you?"asked Mac and he could her that she wanted him to change his mind.  
She wanted him to be the one who wanted to involve the police.

,,I can take it."said Billy.  
Knowing that was partly a lie and partly the truth.  
No one could take it, ever, it hurt too much.  
But seeing Max walk away from him, leaving this hopefully behind was worth it.  
That was something James would be proud of at least partly.  
Because James wanted him to go to police too, but that would never happen.  
At the other side James would get that he had done it to protect Max.

..........

,,What is your psychopath brother doing out there again?"asked Dustin courtisly and looking to the Cameron.

For a second Max wanted to tell him that Billy wasn't a psychopath that he was a victim in this story, even trough almost nobody knew.  
But she couldn't Billy wouldn't want her too and it was in some way his private life.  
Even trough she hated to keep it silent.  
Hated to be a bystander.  
,,Who knows? Billy does what he does."shrugged Max it off.

,,Maybe he is thinking if a way to kill us."added Mike and walked towards them looking at Billy too.

,,Maybe that isn't what he dies maybe it is, but it isn't any of your business, so why don't you try to enjoy your time together?"asked Steve.

,,Yes sure."muttered Lucas ,,we will just wait here till he kills us."  
He had a point there thought Max.

,,Who is were?"asked joye coming in.  
Looking at this woman Max couldn't help herself but thingh if Billy was her stepson she would do something.  
If she would know she would do somethingh.  
Joyce was a good person.

,,Billy is out there in his car, not going away."muttered Will quitly.

,,So why don't you invite him in?"asked Joyce

,,It isn't always that easy."argued Mike defensive.

...............

Sitting in the Cameron Billy was reading again. Sometimes he liked to read to escape the real world and read about people which had an diffrent problem.  
And sometimes he rode because it was fun or interesting.  
But always to distract himself from the pain.  
And every time he ride a book it was a way from the house or he rode it while Neil was away.  
A knock on his window interrupted his thoughts and startled ge closed his book and looked outside.  
Joyce Byers, if he wasn't being wrong.

Opening the window, Billy looked over to her and smiled even trough it hurt his face to do so.  
,,What can I do for you Madam?"asked Billy in his most polite tone.

,,You can start by telling me what you are doing here."replied Joyce.  
Her eyes seemed to look to the real Billy.  
She seemed to know that there was something off with Billy. Most people didn't looked behind the facade, but she did and she saw him.  
The Billy that was behind all that masks and acting, it irritated Billy.

,,I am watching out for my sister."replied Billy carefully.

................

Looking at the blue eyes, Joyce felt like she was looking in a blue see totally undisturbed and so clear that you could see your reflection. But under that water, thought Joyce was dark water, running deep.  
Still water runs deep, thought Joyce.

,,Why are you doing it out her, come in."invited Jocye him and watching his reaction carefully.  
There was somethingh about that boy she sensed.  
There was somethingh he was hiding.  
Maybe it had to do somethingh with the black eyes he carried around, maybe not.  
But what she knew it wasn't a good secret.  
As if he knew that she was watching his reaction, he replied carefully.

,,It would be an honor to come in."said he smooth and softly. If he didn't had two black eyes he would look unusually good noticed Joyce and he had an attitude which surely would make more than one woman fancy him.

,,Nice than you surely can stay for dinner."

............

Dinner was awkward noticed Steve.  
While Jocey ate like always, the party only seemed to do one thingh.  
They starred at Billy.  
Said Person didn't seemed to be bothered by it and ate like he had been starved all weekend.

Joyce seemed to find it rather strange and looked at the party with a suprised and curious expression.  
Steve could practically hear her thoughts.  
What the hell is the matter?  
But Joyce said nothing, for now, she just watched.

............

Dinner at Byers had gone suprisingly good reflected Billy as he waited for Max to get all her stuff, so they could go.  
For once there had no one at the table.  
Watching him.  
Judging him.  
And then hurting him.  
Dinner with Neil was stressful and quite in a strange way.  
They talked, but never about Neil hitting him.  
Sure it was still strange, the whole nerd gang had watched him as if he was about to do something terrible in a second.  
Billy didn't.  
But he felt kind of guilty, because he scared a bunch of middle schoolers.  
But after some thinking he came to the conclusion it was their fault too.  
After all Steve had hidden his sister from him.  
They had gotten him a hell of a beating.  
If Billy wanted too, he could still feel every damn bruise and bone.  
Even trough he wasn't sure which bruise was from which beating or fir that matter any of his injuries.  
At some point it just all blurred into one big pain in the ass.

When he heard food steps behind him, he thought it must be Max.  
But it couldn't be realised Billy that wasn't the sound of Max.  
Tensing he turned around, he couldn't help it.  
The noises reminded him of Neil.  
Coming for him, saying something about an disappointment (Billy always disappointed somehow) and then hurt him. (Somtimes just a slap, sometimes a beating)

With time Billy had become number, his feelings seemed to back down, until only the pain was left.

Now, turning around Billy prepared himself for pain, but it was only Steve.  
There was still the prise were Billy punched him, but it had fainted enough to be not so impressiv anymore.  
For a short moment felt Billy guilty until he remebered, that Steve was the reason, he had gotten a beating.  
Sure Steve didn't knew any of the shit he had to deal with, but still.

,,Harrington."growled Billy and didn't even tried to hide that he didn't like Steve being here.

,,Hargrove."greeted Steve him and finally stopped a few steps away from Billy.

,,What do you want?"asked Billy suspiciously. If he had learned somethingh in his love, then that peoples always wanted somethingh from you.

,,Stay away from the children."was the reply and it sounded like Steve meant it.  
Damn, that made Billy angry, besides Neil there was no one he had to listen too.  
It reminded him actually of Neil, because it was an ode, Beil always ordered him to do something and never asked.  
And in the end Billy obeyed, because there was no other way.  
Either doing what his father wanted or getting hurt.  
That was the choice Billy had.

,,No."answered Billy and he knew it sounded mean.   
But hell, he WAS mean.  
And with Steve ge had another choice than obying.

,,Listen Hargrove, to hurt me is one thingh. And I really don't know what that shit at the quarry was. But the children, they are off limits.  
Stay away from them."orderd Steve him and narrowed his eyes. Looking like he was ready to punch Billy.  
As if he could win a fight.  
As if he had the right to order Billy.  
As if Billy was the one who acted crazy here.

,,You don't have any say in what I do."snapped Billy back.  
Never had he been that furious, when it came to Steve.  
Hiw dared he commanding Billy around?

,,Oh you get that wrong. I have a say, believe me.  
You are a fucking psychopath and no right to go anywhere near this kids.  
STAY AWAY."  
Then Steve turned around and left him, just like that.  
As if he was the one.....

,,Can we go?"asked Max suddenly.

,,Sure."answered Billy and walked towards the Cameron.

...........

Standing back Steve watched how Billy left with Max.  
He just didn't got this guy, acting sane one second and lashing out the next.  
There must be somethingh really wrong with him, thought Steve.

,,What are you thinking about?"asked a warm voice suddenly.

It was Joyce and suddenly Steve felt better.   
Surely she would knew how to deal with thus fucjed up situation or at least, she would have some good advice.

,,About Billy. What do you think of him?"asked Steve and turned around looking at Joyce.  
He really wondered what people saw in Billy.  
The girls seemed to adore him and the mothers.. ....they too, even trough it made Steve wanting to throw up.

,,He seems....lonely."said Joyce then.  
That confused Steve completly, Billy wasn't lonely, he had friends, even trough not good ones.

,,Maybe he us lonley, but don't let yourself get charmed by him. He is dangerous."warned Steve and left it at this.  
This should be enough of a warning, at least for now.


	11. Chapter 11

Another shitty day, thought Billy humourless.  
Back at school were they would assign him stuff and get on his nerves all the time.

,,Sounds great."muttered Billy to himself and cursed the whole world, for tormenting him like this.

,,Breakfast."yelled Susan trough the house.  
Great, sitting with the whole family what a nice way of spending time,thought Billy drily.  
But he knew that he didn't had a choice exactly, Neil would make sure of this.  
That was why Billy just grimaces and went the stairs down.  
There he helped to place the dishes and everything.

,,Didn't you forget anything?"asked Neil sudenly in his calm quite voice.  
His father sat in a chair at the table and rode the newspaper, not bothering helping with breakfast.  
Neil's question suprised Billy, after all he wore proper clothes (at least compared to Billy's style) and well he helped with breakfast.  
But there was somethingh missing, realised Billy.

,,I will go and get Max, Sir."answered Billy and turned around not bothering looking back.

.......

It always made Susan uncomfortable to be around Billy and Neil, when they were in the same room.  
With Billy around, Neil seemed to change, as if Billy brought an uglier vision of Neil to the surface.  
And when Neil was near it seemed as if Billy's eyes became an mirror.  
His blue eyes become unreadable, like a sea at an day without any wind.  
As if Billy tried to hide himself behind an mask around his father.

While Billy left Susan watched Neil, as soon as Billy left, he seemed to relax.  
Strange thought Susan.

She could hear how Billy woke Max up and talked her into dressing and coming down.  
If Neil wouldn't be around he would just yell and slam the door, Susan knew it because sometimes Neil wasn't around. Then Billy wouldn't even try to be nice to wake Max.  
But around Neil Billy was careful.

The way they both changed in each others company always reminded Susan of what she tried to forget so desperately.  
Neil beats Billy.  
But she always tried to ignore it, after all life with Beil was good, he was even nice and kind to Max, who was only his step daughter.  
And Billy?asked a small voice in her head.  
Billy, is a man grown, replied Susan.

Breakfast was okay, guessed Susan, it could be worse, thougt she.  
After all it had been some time after the last beating.  
Still she could see the bruises on Billy's face, as if universe tried to make her feel guilty.  
Your husband beats his son, whispered the small voice again, and what do you do? Asked the voice.  
Susan knew the answer and she didn't like the way it was.  
Nothing.  
But that was how it was.

Seeing the children leave,Susan thougt herself lucky that for once Billy and Beil didn't got at each other bad side.  
Oh so YOU are lucky, when Billy doesn't get beaten, whispered the voice again.  
If Neil would be you or Max, you would leave him, but it is only Billy, so why bother?  
It seemed to turn her heart into pieces, but that was how it was.  
Billy isn't my son.

.............

Looking at Billy, Max felt furious and sad at the same time.  
Why don't you do ANYTHINGH?thought Max.  
Or why don't you try and at least talk with me?  
Why?

,,Why don't you fight back?"asked Max, because if she looked at her brother, she knew that he could fight.  
After all he worked out and he had muscles, so why don't use them?

,,I tried. I failed."answered Billy shortly, not bothering to look at her.

,,Then talk to me...."began Max, but Billy interrupted her.

,,Listen Shitbird. I take the beatings so just ignore it, okay? You can't do anything."replied Billy angrily.

,,And if he ever beats me? Can I do something then?"snapped Max back.  
It was something awful to say, Max could feel it.  
In the way Billy tensed and anger showed on his face and pain, there is pain too, thought Max.

Looking at her Billy starred in her eyes.  
His blue eyes looking cold and furious, like the ocean at the Arctis, beautiful but lethal too.  
You could watch the ocean around the arctic with its beautiful ice and all, but if you would fall in it unprotected....you would freeze to death.

,,If he ever and I mean it, ever beats you, tell me. I will take care of it."promised Billy and he sounded dangerous.

But this unspoken threat isn't meant for me, realised Max.  
It is for Neil, he is threatening Neil in his own way, even if he doesn't know it. At that moment realised Max that Billy was at least as dangerous as Neil, maybe even more.

Billy was protecting her in his own cruel, nean and angry way, but he did it.

.......

As soon as he heard of the lifeguard job, Billy knew he had to have it.  
Neil wouldn't be only satisfied that he had a job,it would mean more time away from him.  
As soon as Billy got the job, he felt free.  
A job meant money and money meant he could buy things.  
Money meant freedom.

Whenever Billy could he used the freedom, trying desperately to get away from all the shit, from Neil.  
Not that he could far, but in Billy's opinion counted every try to run away.

And for a while after the police officer came seemed fine, a few weeks went by and nothing happened.  
Of course there was a slap here and there, but that was all.

Even the freaks seemed to annoy him less in this time. As if they had somethingh better to do than get on his nerves.  
Gosh, even Susan's cooking got bearable.

But it all changed with an letter.  
A littel piece of paper turned Billy's whole world to shit again.

As soon as the door was slammed, Billy figured something was wrong.  
Beil was home and he was angry

.......

Max knew that the door meant it was bad.  
For a moment she wanted to go upstairs and tell Neil : you can't do this. But she knew this couldn't change anything. Not without help from an adult or the police.  
After a while she learnt what the signs for an angry Neil were.  
Yelling always meant at least a slap or two, or more.  
Forcing Billy to say thank you to Susan or apologise for somethingh meant a slap as well.  
That he slammed the door was really bad.  
For a time there was yelling, mostly from Neil. Only interrupted from Billy trying to calm him down.  
After that it went quit for a while and Max thought, that are going to bed sleeping over it and will finish it tomorrow.  
They didn't.  
Instead she heart other sounds, Neil was again beating his son.

Listening to it made Max wanting to throw up or do somethingh against it. And made her remeber what Billy said: I take the beatings, so just ignore it, okay?  
_  
The sentence seemed to echo trough her head and left her feeling cold and sad.  
Ignore it.  
How thought Max, how should I ever ignore this.  
Okay?  
No, not ever.  
This isn't right and it shouldn't happen.  
I want to help, let me.  
I take the beatings.  
That much was true, he took the beating right now.  
But he shouldn't have to do this._

_She knew her mother was home, but there was no reaction from her.  
I am now like her realised Max.  
Listening, but not doing anything.  
I hate this thought Max.  
Hearing every punch every slap, she thought I hate this.  
And then after thus she heared every kick and insult at her stepbrother.  
Not only heard she Neil, she heard Billy too.  
Heard his muffled sounds of pain, he tried to hide.  
She heard every groan that he made when a punch hit.  
I hear everything and I do nothing.  
Never had she hated herself that much._

_And then when the sounds stopped altogether Max felt relief.  
Shortly after that she heard Neil's heavy boots getting up the stairs.  
And after this she heard Billiy faint sounds, the ones he made trying to be quite even trough he was hurt soo much._

_But the night didn't stopped then.  
It was as if the night wanted to torture her with reminding her of the monster that lived in the four walls she called home.  
A monster she couldn't kill with a bat full if nails.  
Soon she realized that the beating wasn't the worst part of the night.  
No, the sounds that came out of Billy's room where worse.  
Billy was crying, sobbing.  
To her her brother making these sounds.  
Her strong, angry brother always on the edge.....  
It made Max determined to find a solution, whatever the cost._

_....._

The moment Steve opened the door he was suprised. It was Max and she looke angry at him.

,,You know nothing."said Max looking at him, giving him a glare full of sadness and knowing at once.

,,What?"asked Steve totally suprised. It was early in the morning at the first day of the weekend. What the hell wanted Max here.

,,You know nothing Steve."snapped Max and walked trough the door into his house.

,,How do you mean this?"asked Steve congused. Of course knew Steve that he didn't knew everything. But he knew more than nothing. Of that he was sure.

,,I mean it like I said it. You know nothing. You don't know what it means to press charges. You don't know Billy. You don't know Beil. And you don't know what you have done.

You know nothing."empathised Max and looked at him again. A glare full of the knowing of....what? 

,,What are you saying?"asked Steve confused.

,,Drop the charges. Billy may have hurt you and I can assure you, he is an asshole. But he doesn't deserve what is happening to him. Nobody deserves this. So drop the charges Steve."orderd Max him.

,,I won't. If I do Billy knows he will always get away with it."argued Steve back.

,,No, he knows what could happen. And believe me he has paid the price for slapping you. So leave him of the hook. Let it go Steve."commanded Max and stood there, ready to argue all day.

,,Why?"asked Steve. And added then, why are you doing this? You and Billy aren't exactly on good terms."

,,Maybe not, but no one deserves what he has to suffer trough. No one, never should have to feel the way he does. So will you drop the charges?"asked Max.

Looking at her Steve felt strangely obliged to do, as she asked. He knew that she wouldn't come if it wasn't necessary.

,,I will."promised Steve. Knowing he would probably rue it later, but right now it seemed right.

,,Thanks. And please don't tell Billy. He can't know I did this."ordered Max and then she left.

Leaving a confused Steve behind.

......

I am a dead man walking, thought Billy. Even trough he knew that he still lived and that Neil would probably not murder him, Billy knew he was dead.  
If this is his reaction to a LETTER, then what the hell will he do, when I get to go to court or something like that.  
How bad will this go?

Billy was terrified, knowing his father was now still on the edge and it wouldn't get any better for a while yet.  
His hands were shaking and his mouth felt dry, while he tried to shake the feeling of comple fear.  
He was still in his room, trying to calm down and ignore the pain.  
But he couldn't.  
The more he wanted it to go away, the more it all staid and came back.  
Like a movie he began to remeber the worst times Neil hurt him.

The day after his mother left, was a memory ful of pain and blood.  
A month before they left for Hakins. All Billy could remeber was a blur from this night and all the pain he had been in and the fact that Neil didn't seemed to stop.  
After that he had been the first time in al long time in a hospital.  
Would this led to the next fallout with Neil?

Maybe, but the worst Billy knew, was Max.  
Who could possibly know what she was doing?  
What if she ever tried to get between Beil and him?  
What if Neil hurt his sister?

....

,,Max. What do you want?"asked Hopper confused looking at the readhaired girl. Looking up from his desk he found himself wondering what Max possibly could want from him, at such an early hour.

,,I have to tell you something and I need to press charges."told Max and there was something in her eyes that made it clear she was serious. 

,,You have to press charges?"asked Hopper and was alerted ,,Was it Billy? What has happened?"  
Even trough Hopper barely knew the teenager he heard of him and seen him. That was enough for him to know the boy was trouble.

,,It wasn't Billy. But it has to do with him."admitted Max and then she seemed to not know what to do.

,,Go on."encouraged Hopper her softly.

,,His father beats him."

.....

,,What has my son done this time?"asked Neil courtly as soon as he saw the police officer.

,,Nothingh."replied the officer ,,but I would like to interrogate Billy at the station."

,,Why that?"asked Neil suspiciously.

,,He may have seen somethingh, we just want to ask and to do this appropriate l, I would like to take him to the station."explained the officer.

,,Sure."agreed Neil.

............

,,So Billy, can you tell me, how you got these nasty bruises?"started Hopper looking at the teenager in front of him.

To say Billy tried to kill him with his glares was an understatement. It seemed more like he wanted to see Hopper tortured and then killed slowly.  
But behind that he couldn't read much of his emotions on the kids face.  
His eyes seemed to be a mirror, only reflecting Hoppers own thoughts, but revealing nothing.  
Like an Sean without any movement, a cold mirror, thought Hopper.

,,I got into a fight."replied Billy short and made it sound like Hopper was wasting his time.

,,With whom?"asked Hopper ready to write everything down.

,,Who cares? Some guys at a bar."shrugged Billy it off.

,,So you drink? You know that you are to young to drink?"asked Hopper looking questioning at Billy.

,,Sue me."answered Billy coldly. His eyes saying, why don't you cut the shit out? We both know what thus is about, so just ask.

,,Don't you want to press charges? After all that are some pretty nasty bruises."observed Hoppet. And you limped, thought Hopper. You don't belong her on this station, you ought to be in an hospital getting checked out.

,,And I gave them some bruises back, so we are even I guess."replied Billy coolly.  
A lie, that much knew Hopper. The knuckles of the kid showed no indication whatsoever that he got into a fight.

,,Let's cut this small talk Billy. We both know why you are here. Does your father beats you?"asked Hopper directly waiting for the slightest reaction.

,,No."answered Billy like a well trained dog. But Hopper could see the way his eyes darkened, saw the hurt and pain in Billy's eyes.

,,We both know this is a lie."pointed Hopper calmy out.

,,So what? Are you going to teather me know?  
What do you even care?  
You may think you do, but you don't.  
No, you want to go back to your family and forget me."declared Billy looking at him,a challenge in his eyes.

,,No, I don't. I don't want to go back home and forget this shit, I want to solve thus shit."argued Hopper back.

,,Whatever helps you sleep at night."replied Billy cold as ice.  
,,So are we finished? I have shit to do."growled Billy.

,,You can go, you don't have to stay. But if you ever need any help, I am always..."began Hopper.

,,Yes, sure whatever, have a fucking good day."snapped Billy and then he was gone.

What a disaster thought Hopper.

...........

,,What did the police wanted?"asks Neil as soon as Billy enters.

,,Nothingh really. They were just asking about someone I play basketball with."replies Billy trying to play it cool.

,,Don't lie to me."snaps Neil and takes a step closer to Billy. 

,,He isn't lying, Steve had to come to the station to."interferes Max and Billy glares at her. His blue eyes both grateful and angry.

,,Stay out of trouble."orders Beil and then turns around. As soon as he us out of the door, Billy turns to Max.

,,What the hell shitbird? Why did you involved the fucking police?"asks Billy and his blue eyes seem to glow with anger.  
And fear, realises Max.

,,Hopper can help."argues Max.

,,No, he can't. No one can, they never can."says Billy and the way he says it makes it seem like a fact.

,,Maybe most people can't. But Hopper is diffrent, he is a friend."argues Max. Glaring at Billy, daring him to argue with her.

,,He is your friend, not mine."with these words Billy turns around and just doesn't looks back.

...............

At least if got the job, thinks Billy.  
The pool us nothingh in comparison to the ocean, but Billy figures that is as near as he while ever get ti the ocean again.  
At least as long as he is under eighteen.  
After school he will ge gone.

But right now?  
Beeing a lifeguard is damn fucking good, watching children and their parents making sure nobody brakes a single rule.  
And his coworkers aren't too bad either, Heather us pretty nice and good to look at.  
Once or twice she may have even flirted with him, but there will never be somethingh between them.  
Not her fault, Billy is just......Billy, and he isn't interested in woman.  
It is a bitter thingh to realise, because Billy always knew what his father thought of his kind.  
Of gays.  
The second he was sure about how he felt, he knew his father could never find out.  
Ever.

In California are more opened minded people at home, there he will go to and hope to stay with James....  
It is a dream, but maybe.....one day it might come true....

...........

,,I still don't get how your brother managed to become a lifeguard."

,,Me neither."agreed Mike ,,he is more of a lifeender. I just can't see him guarding lifes, I just can't."

,,Maybe that is why he was hired. Not to actually save lives, but to endanger them, so another lifeguard can save them."points Dustin out.

,,That just sounds stupid."  
All eyes turn to Max and narrow.

,,Are you really defending your psychotic stepbrother?"asked Mike.

,,He may be an idiot and an asshole, but he wouldn't ever really endanger lifes, not intentionally at least."defends Max her brother.  
But she doesn't seems to enthusiastic about it, maybe because she knows that Billy does have a really bad side.

,,Well maybe he wouldn't do that. But I think he is flirting with Nancy's mum right now."interrupts Dustin them all and sounds like he might throw up.

All of them turn around and... oh god, Billy actually seems to be flirting with Nancy's mum.  
It is just totally gross.

,,I can't believe that."muttered Max.

............

Flirting with Nancy's mum is ......weird.  
But it isn't so weird that Billy would stop.  
The really gross thingh through is that Nancy's mum looks at him so desperately.  
And she doesn't looks like it is just a harmless flirt, she looks like she thinks this could be .......serious.  
Holy shit, she thinks Billy is actually interested.  
(He really isn't it is just to weird).

But in the end he finds himself to agree to giving her a few swimming lessons.  
Holy shit, thinks Billy, I have completely lost it.  
I am insane.  
I lost it all.  
God what us wrong with me?  
Maybe it is because Neil beats him all the time.  
Maybe because he feels so unloved, that he wants this so desperately, because she looks as if she......clearly not loves, but likes Billy.  
She looks as if she could maybe.. maybe make him feel less alone.  
(Billy really lost it)

When he walks away again he feels like he just sold his soul to the devil.

..........

,,I can't believe he just did that."states Dustin as a matter of fact.

,,I can't either, damn it, I think I might throw up."agrees Max and she does look a littel green.

,,Why would you throw up?"questions Steve, who has just come back.

,,Billy was flirting with Ms Wheeler and it was just so damn weird."mutters Mike.

,,That should be forbidden, it was just so ....gross."agrees Dustin.

,,Not even Billy would flirt with Ms Wheeler. I mean he has got have some morals...?!"but the moment Steve speaks the words aloud he thinks, no Billy probably hasn't gotten any morals.  
Damn it, the guy most likely doesn't even knows what morals are.

...............

When the sun starts to ho down, Billy knows the pool will close soon.  
Immediately he feels lost and frightened, but he suppresses the feeling.  
He will be soon gone from Hawkins and then he will never have to see his father again.  
He will never again to deny what he is.

While the last people start to gather their stuff, sonethingh strangers happens.  
Steve gets up and walks over.  
Stranges, thinks Billy, but he figures Harrington probably is just getting up to find one of the littel brats or stuff like that.  
But he's wrong.  
Steve walks straight over, and doesn't stop until he stands before Billy.

,,You can't do that."states Steve, calmy, as a matter of fact.  
His doe eyes are for once hard and stony, not there usual soft and warm brown.

,,I can't do what?"asks Billy slightly confused. Because he knows he hasn't done anything bad recently. (Or at least nothingh Steve knows of).

,,You can't flirt with Nancy's mum, she's married, she got kids."snaps Steve at him, as if it is obvious.

Suddenly Billy feels relaxed, flirting is one of the things, he is sure is almost never forbidden.  
Not unless you happen to flirst with people with the same gender.  
Which is just unfair, thinks Billy.

,,I wasn't flirting."denies Billy, saying nothingh about the swimming lessons. He knows how it would sound if he told Steve about that.  
It would sounds as if he was trying to hook up with Ms Wheeler.  
Which he doesn't, it just kind of happened.

,,Just stay away."growls Steve begore turning around.  
It is a warning and a command at the same time.  
Billy can't stand it.  
Once again somone tries to tell him what he can do and what he can't.  
He hates it.

Furiously he takes a step forward and grapped Steve by his arm.

,,No one tells me, what I have to do and what not."growls Billy.  
And he can't hide his anger.

,,I am not telling what to do, I am just informing you that what you are going to do, is just gross."snaps Steve and wrenches his arm out of Billy's grip, before he walks away.

Even trough Steve's tone was harsh, Billy relaxes after he has heard it outspoken.

It seems like Steve knows nothingh really bad about him.  
Only a littel part of Billy feels guilty, hearing how Steve thinks that what he is going to do is gross.  
(But he is used to that).

So he just turns around and walks away.  
Maybe what he us going to do isn't appropriate and not right and maybe even he himself thinks he shouldn't do it.  
But if it even only for a second makes him fell better.........  
Damn it, he will try it out.


	12. Chapter 12

There parents are away once again.  
And she felt angry and confused at the same time.  
Hiw could her mother, just do nothingh?  
How could she enjoy beeing together with such a man.

But what confused her most was, that Billy never did anything against it.  
He just took it.  
Even trough she knew he could fight his father, she had seen Billy fight after all.  
Not only Steve l, but other guys.  
But he never fought back, he just did......nothingh.

.........

,,Why don't you ever fight back?"

Deep down Billy had known thus question would come.  
But he had always hoped he had a littel more time.  
After all it was a question he had asked himself more them once, even trough he knew the answer.  
And it was a bitter answer too, hard to swallow, but in the end he had to accept it.

,,Because I can't win."  
It was a sad statement and it was a lie too.

,,That can't be the reason, I know that you could fight him and you could win."insists Max her eyes looking at him fiercely.

And Billy knows she is right.

Suddenly he feels the urge to swallow hard.

,,I tried, I can't."mutters Billy.  
And he did try and it felt so terrible....so wrong to fight his own father.  
Even after all the times his father slapped him, hit him, bell even kicked him.  
He just seems to be unable to forget the hoos times.  
Because there were good times, before it all fell about.  
Well there had been even back then, a slap or two, but nothingh major.

,,That's a lie, we both know you could fight him."almost snaps Max at him.

It almost remembers him, of how it used to be back in California.  
Back when they had somethingh that resembled a good, well at least better then now relationship.  
Back whence would show her how to drive skateboard or take her to the beach.  
But that was a long time ago, before they moved.

,,I can't."mutters Billy and he hears the defeat in it.

..........

,,Why? Just tell me, why? Why can't I report Beil, why can't you at least fight him?"asks Max and she knows there is pain in her voice.  
And it dies pains her.  
To see Neil treat Billy this way.......it brakes somethingh inside her, because it is so completly wrong.

She knows now that every time, Neil slaps and hits Billy he makes Billy worse.  
Makes him less of the brother, who showed her how to drive a skateboard and bought her sometimes ice cream.  
And every time, Neil makes him more like Neil, makes Billy angrier, harder.  
And less happy.  
Sometimes she thinks Neil is helping his son to built walls, walls that make Billy unreachable for other people, normal relationships, happiness.....love.  
He is taking Billy away from everything good and is turning him into a.......monster.

It is awful to watch.  
And it brakes her over and over again.  
Watching while slowly all the pieces that make Billy fade away, replaced by things that Neil thinks make Billy a better person.

,,I can't fight Neil, because he still us my father. I could never fight him Max.  
I know I probably should, but I can't.......I just......fuck....there are no words but I can't."

Looking into Billy's eyes she understand that maybe she doesn't need to know more.  
His blue eyes resemble shattered glass.  
Broken into thousand pieces.

...............

Time goes by and thinks......well they sure as hell don't get better, but they don't get worse either.  
And Max.....sometimes Billy could swore that she looks at him, with sonethingh that seems to be protective ness.  
At least not pity thinks Billy.

But it still makes his heart ache, because it reminds him of James.  
The guy he still misses, and can't forget.  
God he wishes he was back in California, back with James.  
Before it all went to hell.

...................

,,You never told us why you moved here, in the first places."points Dustin out one sat, looking curiously over at Max.  
It isn't an unfriendly look, but Max knows she doesn't likes that question.

Because honestly she isn't sure herself.  
What happens back then?  
Of couse she was there.....but she doesn't knows everything, hell every time she asked everyone just went silent.  
As if it was since dark secret they could never talk about.  
Ever.

,,I don't really know."admits Max then.

,,How can you not know?'"asks Mike with a frown.  
She hates the way he says it, to her it seems like he is implying that she just was to dump or didn't listened, when she was told about it.  
As if it us her fault, what has happened.

,,Leave her be."jumps Lucas to her aid, before Max can say somethingh that she would regret later.

,,But still, no offense intended, but how can you not know?"asks Dustin.

,,Well I know that it was a fight between Billy and his dad, I just don't know about what, they never talked about it afterwards."explains Max.

,,I guess, I could have known that."mutters Mike.

,,What?"asks Max, barely managing to keep the anger out of her voice.

,,Well it is just.....Billy is Billy. That he made his father move you all.....we shouldn't be suprised."  
Once again Max finds herself wanting to punch Mike.  
The guy is unbelievable.  
How can he dare judge Billy, whe he knows him so littel?

,,Oh shut up, you know nothingh."snaps Max then.

,,Really? Just look at your dear brother, he even looks like trouble."sbapps Mike right back.

,,So now you just now when somebody is trouble, by looking at them. Nice, Mike."  
And it is kind of a low blow, but Max doesn't care.

,,Just stop it ok, I mean Mike us kind of tight, all we know of Billy is that he's an asshole.  
And your right to Max, nobody should be judge, because of the way they look."interferes Lucas.

,,Thanks. I know you only see the bad sides of Billy, it is just.... his dad and he fight a lot and mist of the time it is just so....."Max bust stops unable to explain it without telling them the truth.  
And she she can't do that.  
They couldn't keep that secret and Billy would be unbelievable mad and........humiliated.  
He would hate it, to know that the party knows of his vulnerable side, of what happened to him.  
Even trough nothingh of that is his fault.

............

Looking at Billy she notices there is something strange about him.  
She just can't put her finger on it, it has something to do with the way he looks, she just doesn't know what it is exactly.

,,What is different?"asks Max then directly.

Billy stops walking around and looks at her with narrowed eyes.  
Once again his eyes seems to show now emotions, resembling a mirror, more like anything else.

,,How do you mean different?"asks Billy back, not even trying to hide his suspicion.

,,I don't know you just look different....oh my god you are all dressed up."realises Max then with a smirk.  
She knows that way of looking.  
Billy always wears a tight Jean's and a leather jacket, but this evening it is an especially nice looking and his leather jacket.......is the one that James gave him.  
The best jacket Billy possess.

,,Oh my gosh, are you going on a date big brother?"asks Max with a smirk, knowing she has to be right.  
No way around it.

,,No, I am not."immediatly denied Billy it. But she knows it is a lie.  
She knows because Billy looks her straight into the eyes and stares at her, not moving at least a littel bit.

,,Liar."calls Max him then.

,,No seriously I am not. I am just meeting Ms Wheeler giving her some swimming lessons, you know.....:"trails Billy off.

In a matter of seconds the smirk fades from Max face.  
She has seen Billy and Nancy's mom flirt, but now Billy us going on a date with her?

,,You can't do that."

,,Why not, I am a lifeguard and....."begins Billy to justify himself, but it sounds weak.

,,Really? How are you going to give her lessons, the pool is closed down and it the sun isn't shining anymore. It is night.  
Just admit it, it us a date and it is ......wrong.  
You know that she's Nancy's mom, the girl you are in class with?"questions Max with disgust.

,,Ok, maybe it is a date.......but even if. What is wrong with that.  
Damn it Max, she is a person to."points Billy oit, a desperate attempt to defend what he us going to do.

,,She is a married person."snaps Max back.

,,Well, that is her problem, not mine."shoots Billy back.  
And she gets the point.  
Billy may be the opportunity to cheat, but he isn't the cheater.

,,Still, you aren't even attracted to her.  
So why do you even want to do that?"questions Max.

That throws Billy of his track.

...........

You aren't even attracted to her.  
Does she know?  
She can't, thinks Billy, she just can't, she would have said somethingh.  
Anything.  
Suddenly his heart begins to race and he can only think, o my gosh, she can't.......she would have said somethingh.  
That can't be real.

,,She is an attractive woman."replies Billy, hoping that his suspicions aren't going to get confirmed.  
Hoping that Max doesn't knows.

,,Attractive maybe, but the point us she's a woman and we both know....you're gay."points Max out and looking up into Max's eyes he sees that she knows, had known probably for a long time.  
And he sees too that she has just seem the conformation of that in his eyes.

,,How do you know?"asks Billy deafetaed, knowing there is no way to deny it anymore.

,,I saw you and .....Jame's kissing at the pier."admits Max and he can something like guilt flicker trough her eyes.  
As if she feels bad for seeing him, doing something that private .  
Or maybe she thinks that beeing gay isn't right, like his father thinks.  
God he Hope's it is the first.

,,I think you saw wrong."tries Billy, in a last wasted attempt to still.....deny it.

,,I didn't, you were so close to do it just right and there."replies Max and it sounds even amused.

,,We never did it at the pier."replied Billy sulkingly.

,,So you did it?"asks Max with a smirk, that slowly fades.

,,Just don't go Billy ok, don't meet her."asks Max then, almost pleading him not to go.

,,Why?"  
Just one word,but Billy sounds almost pleading too.

,,Because you and James could be somethingh and she's just lonely and wants some action.  
But you and James?  
You could actually be something."

........

And Billy doesn't ho, he just can't, not like this.  
Not now, but after getting told to his face that he and James.....could be somethingh.

With a sigh he gets upstairs, leaving Max standing thre without another word.  
The second he us in his room, he just fall on his bed and closes his eyes.  
Damn it, his body still hurts, but worst of all, his heart aches again.  
Not because he us having a heart attack, or something like that, it is because he......misses James.  
And he knows that they won't meet for a long time, yet to come.  
His heart aches because he knows that he will have to stay in Hawkins for a long time.  
Because he knows his father hated him.  
Because he's gay and his father despises him for it.

She's right, realises Billy, because he isn't attracted to her, be just wants somone, so he isn't so alone.

.............. 

When Billy storms upstairs she isn't sure why he goes, but she Hope's it is because he realised how stupid it is.

God, she Hope's that for once he does the right.  
Gosh, ge never does the right, so why does she even hope?

And then relation hits her.  
And she immediately gets sadder, Billy does the wrong because he doesn't knows better.  
His father never showed him how to do the right thingh and his mother......left.  
That's all she knows and she can't help but wonder.  
Which mother would leave her son with......a monster.  
Knowing that Billy too, is slowly turning into a monster too.  
Which mother could leaver her son?  
Especially like this.  
But maybe it was her only way of escaping.......  
Maybe she thought Neil would never turn on Billy.....  
Whatever her reasons to ho and leave Billy behind were........  
It is still heartbreaking.

She can't even begin to imagine, to be left behind like this.....  
Left with somone like Neil.  
No wonder Billy is so fucked up, with only Beil as a role model and a mother who abandoned him.

Still, she Hope's he does the right thingh.  
Well, maybe he doesn't.  
Maybe he is just hone for good.

...........

Slowly Billy exhaled and gets up again.  
Time to make the best out of his life.

He can't help but think ones again of James.  
Of his boyfriend.

When he gets the stairs down and walks in the living room,Max watches him carefully.  
And he knows then l, that she's expecting the worst.

And it is exactly what Billy wanted.  
Exactly what he always wanted her to think of him.  
Nothingh good.

He knows he will always disappoint her, so he hopes that he can let her down.  
One big time.  
And that after that she learns her lesson.  
No expectations, always fear the worst from Billy.

It still hurts trough.

..........

,,Let's watch a movie."announces Billy then and he can see relief flooding over her face.  
For a second she really thought he was going trough with it.  
And would sleep with.......somone twice his age, married and with a kid in his age.

She doesn't knows what exactly about it would have been so bad.  
But somehow she knows it would have driven Billy over a point from which there wouldn't be any possibility of return.

A movie.  
Billy will probably pick a really, really bad movie.  
But she can life with that.

............

For Neil the evening went well.  
Looking over Susan, he can't believe his luck.  
Married again.  
To her.  
And it is a relief.  
She was always perfect and today was perfect.  
Even her littel girl is perfect, even trough sometimes to boyish.  
The only problem (of course ) is his son.

Even now ten minutes still away from their home, he knows that Billy will have fucked up.  
He doesn't know how or why.  
But it is Billy.  
His pathetic excuse of a son.

Only the thought of his son, makes his lips form yo a snarl.  
His gripp around the steering wheel gets tighter, but her relaxes again.  
Right now Billy isn't here.  
Everything is still perfect.

But Billy.....  
He is so far from perfect....  
.......like Beil had been, before his father thought him how to be a man.  
Yes, his father made him a real man.  
Like he is going to do with Billy.  
Of course his son doesn't understand now.  
Like he did back then, he could only see his pain, feel his pain.  
But in the end hus father helped him overcome.....his misbehave.  
And he will help Billy too.  
Even trough his son seems like a lost couse.

It is all for his beat, tells Neil himself.  
He just doesn't understand right now.  
After all how else could he raise his son?  
He doesn't know any other way.  
Maybe there is no other way.

...............

,,Why is there no milk in the fridge?"

Once again Billy doesn't know what to say.  
He feels helpless and he hates it.  
He just wants back home, to the sun and warmth.  
Back there he could at least go surfing and there he wasn't helpless.  
He was good.  
But he isn't at the beach, he isn't surfing.

,,I don't...I didn't know......I am sorry Sir....."

But it isn't enough, it never is.  
The slap is no suprise.  
It still hurts trough.  
Fir a second he remembers what Max told him.  
He could fight back and win.  
It is still his father trough......  
And if he thought back, what then?  
His father sould kick him out.  
He would be homeless.

But even only thinking of it makes it harder then normally to do......  
nothingh.

And he absolutely hates it.  
Still.

,,Maybe I can go...."tries Billy.  
Again.  
It is pathetic.  
But he can't help it.  
He feels so utterly humiliated and it is worse then usally, because Max and Susan are watching.

,,No, you are completly useless."snaps Neil, takes his keys and storms out of the door.

............

Billy tries his best to supress......it all.  
The shame, the humiliation, the hurt.....all of it.

But he knows that still some of it shows on his face, because he sees the way Max looks at him and he hates it.  
Hates the pity.  
Hates that she still cares, knowing he will hurt her.  
Knowing that she will leave him.  
They all do.

Even Susan will leave his father one day.  
After all he will go one day and he knows his father won't just stop beeing an asshole.  
He will find another victim.  
Probably Susan.

,,Well, now that your father us gone, we can't start dinner. But we could take?, I guess?"asks Sysan with a sweet smile.

Billy hates it.

Damn it.  
Suddenly he likes the pitying look from Max, after all it is better then this.....masquerade.  
He hates that she just pretends that nothingh has happened.  
It is just not right.

Because it did happened.  
Just because she happens like it didn't, doesn't make it ho away.

Without another word Billy turns around and walks away.

................

Once again Neil can't believe his son.  
How can he dare too.....?

His knuckles turn white, because he grips the steering wheel so tightly.  
If he was honest he could just have walked and cool down a littel.  
Hell he isn't even really driving towards the store, but he can't help it.  
He just wants to drive into the woods and get the milk a littel later.......

And when he gets back home.......  
He will teach Billy bever to forget the milk again....

But suddenly he is thrown back into the real world again, out of his thoughts.  
The car begins to slinger and slide until it gets away from the street.  
Within seconds his heart begins to race and he tries to RIP the steering wheel around.  
It is all no use and the car wraps itself around a tree.

The crash is hard and in no way soft.  
Neil feels thrown forward, while the car has already stopped.  
The contact is in no way comfortable, but he is still conciissus......

A littel later he gets out, knowing that the car could blow up, or some other shit.  
But nothingh happens.

For a second he considers getting back in, but that's when it happens.  
Suddenly he is thrown from his feet and Neil dies somethingh he always considered sonethingh mans don't do. It is one if the thinghs he thougt or at least tried to thought to Billy. Man don't cry. Man don't have long hair. Man don't were earrings. Man aren't gay. And man don't scream. But Neil can't help it and he screams. There is somethingh dragging him over the ground and he is terrified. Because he doesn't know what it us. Is it human? Certainly not. Is it an animal? He can't imagine any animal like that. Is it a monster? Yes, decides Neil. With all his strength Neil clings to a tree, tries to resist it, but he fails and it doesn't even takes a second before he gets dragged over the ground again. Once again he screams, completly terrified, trying to grapple sonethingh else. But he us moving to fast and suddenly he is there......... And everything goes black. ............. Once again in his room Billy tries to figure out why the universe hates him. Is it something he has done? Can't really be, after all Neil was always his father and it was always clear that Neil would be a shitty dad..... Maybe it is just some kind of sick joke...... He just doesn't get why Neil is always so angry and then fir no real reason. Ok, having no milk can suck, but Neil doesn't even drinks milk to dinner, only in the mornings. So why bother yelling at him? Slapping him? Why? It leaves Billy with a cold feeling in his chest, because he knows it must be because his father really doesn't care for him. Sometimes he wonders if his father ever did. Sure there are some good memories....... But even back then, his father slapped him and it hurt, but it wasn't so back then. Maybe because Billy was still just a boy...... Maybe because he was littel and cute.... Maybe because his father couldn't even begin to suspect that Billy was going to end up, beeing gay.... At that Billy grins, because he did try very hard to not be gay. But it never worked and he had to accept it, he was gay and it wouldn't change. And after he finally had come over it, a littel at least, then the shame over being ashamed in the first place started. Hell, thought Billy, sometimes he even had the feeling that bering gay was something that saved him from his father...... After all it did made him realises how wrong Neil was...... ......all the time. When a door was slammed, Billy immediately knew it must have been Neil, who was back. Sighing he got up, before his father could yell and tell him to get his ass upstairs.


End file.
